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I Took a Risk - I joined the Cross Country Team SCHOLARSHIP



chocolateshoppe 5 / 19  
Jan 5, 2013   #1
Prompt: Describe a time you challenged yourself by taking on a task/project you felt was beyond your scope and capability at the time. Why did you do it?

What happened?

Thank you! I would appreciate any input :)
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When I joined cross country in the ninth grade, all I had in mind were the intentions of joining a team I had never joined before, stick with it for the four years of high school and grow together with it. However, before then, I had never done any running-related competitions, save for the occasional lap or two in middle school gym class. I wasn't sure what to expect, and sure enough, I almost passed out from exhaustion during and after the first practice of a merely 20 minute run. But in a way, I liked it because I felt that I was able to challenge myself physically in a way that I have never done before. I wanted to improve, become faster and run alongside the fastest runners on the team. And so, still being one of the slowest people on the team, I continued to attend practices. Over time, I found myself gradually noticing changes in my body's physique. My legs became more toned from all the workouts we did, and there were less panting involved and more controlled breathing. Although I still couldn't keep up with the leads, I never gave up. The one thing I never allowed myself to do was stop, no matter how tired I was. I permitted myself to slow down, if necessary, but never stop because cross country was all about the endurance. As the season went on, I found that I wasn't the slowest at all. The summer of that grade, I really put my foot down and became determined to run everyday to improve. And so I did. I ran with the fastest boy on the team and my brother. We always ran long runs of 40 minutes or more in the wooded area by the school. After two years of training, I became a captain and a role model for the younger runners. I have never regretted my decision to join the cross-country team.

Kitsumi 4 / 97  
Jan 5, 2013   #2
It's a nice answer, and showed how you challenged yourself. HOWEVER, is it really a risk? You joined the team for fun, but what did you risk?

Also, could you separate this into paragraphs? I just don't like looking at big blocks of text, it's rather intimidating. And no contractions. The tone of this essay is a bit more formal than the other ones, so take out the contractions. Lastly, your conclusion sounds a bit odd verb tense wise.

I have never regretted my decision to join the cross-country team

Does that mean you will regret your decision? Probably not, right? So something like, "I never have, nor never will regret".


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