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Scholarship essay to win 1K to help get enough money to enter in Oral Roberts University.

seaandsun96 1 / -  
Feb 3, 2017   #1
Topic: Describe your educational career and life goals. Explain your plan for achieving these goals. Include your degree/major, why you selected it, and how this degree/major will help you achieve your goals.

Illustration - from dreams into reality

Watching cartoons when i was a kid made me want to pursue in art, but more specifically going into illustration. In high school i took art classes and in my senior year I won recognition on a competition to draw what we wished the world lived without. My drawing was a world without wars and was displayed at the Curtis Culwell Center in Garland. In order to reach my goal I first have to undergo two year in community college in which i will almost complete and then transfer to Oral Roberts University in Oklahoma this fall of 2017. With the vigor to strive for greatness, I hope to be the first in my family to graduate from college.

My life goals have always been constant, the first goal I want to check off my list is to help my parents financially. They provided me a place to live, eat, and create memories and I dream of a day when I'll be able to give back as a thank you for everything they've done for me. My second goal is to be the first of the Barbosa family to graduate from high school and college. Patience was the main key when I accomplished my twelve years in school and It will get me through the next couple years in college. I made my parents proud on June 6, 2015 because it was the day when I completed half of my second goal by being the first to graduate from high school. Now I attend Richland Community College and I'm halfway to fully complete my goal and I know my family and I will look forward to that day. I want to get my masters in Fine Arts in Illustration, the reason I want to pursue in being an illustrator dates back when i was around six years old. Back when my mom didn't obtain a job she had a lot of free time on her hands. She spend her time drawing flowers more specifically roses because those are her favorite flowers. When i saw the completed drawing I was captivated of how lovely the roses were detailed. I was inspired by her drawings so I first started to duplicate the drawings she drew and with practice slowly but surely was making progress. As time went on school started to be stressful and I found drawing to be my relaxing zone and in that I knew I wanted to pursue in drawing.

By majoring in Illustration I can only hope to accomplish my two goals to be no more dreams but a reality. My dad worked his whole life and struggled at times, because of this he always told me to never settle for less and to have a job that I would enjoy being in. I hope to get a job with good pay so I can help my family when they are in financial need. My parents work very hard to provide for our family, that they don't have time to enjoy themselves. Therefore, I want to do my part and help my family financially to be able to have the chance to go on vacation. Reaching all these goals can't be completed without receiving scholarships, so I hope to be bestowed in this scholarship.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,801 4780  
Feb 3, 2017   #2
Marisol, your essay is a bit confusing, the first part of the essay makes it sound like you have yet to attend college. Then we find out midstream that you are already attending community college. Then you further confuse matters by making it sound like you have already graduated and are about to enroll in a masters degree. Then you turn around again and say you are looking forward to completing an illustration major. I am afraid you will need to develop a more focused essay that can clearly address the prompt requirements.

In the first paragraph, indicate that as a current 2 year community college student, you are hoping to move to a four year course with the help of the scholarship. The reason for that, is that you need a 4 year college degree course in order to ensure a better chance at employment and also, set the foundation for your future masters degree studies. This will respond to the prompt requirement that asks you to mention your major, as well as your educational career goals.

The second paragraph, should cover the important points regarding your life goals. Just clean up the current paragraph that you have at the moment that relates to you being the first college graduate in your family, don't bother mentioning the high school graduate part as that is irrelevant to the future life goals that you have. While I understand the importance of your dreams for your family, it is more important that you discuss your life goals for yourself. So mention your dreams for your family in a single sentence. Use the whole paragraph to discuss how you envision your personal future instead.

In the final paragraph, focus on explaining why you believe that your future improvements lie in an Illustration major. What are the employment possibilities for you in this field? Why are you confident that this is the way you can improve your financial and social position in life? Make sure that your statement closes on a note of confidence regarding your belief in your future in relation to your chosen major.

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