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The value of money in the modern life


Thao Hang 1 / 1 1  
Aug 27, 2017   #1

SPENDING AND SAVING MONEY



Modern life gives us comfort and convenience, but modern life also requires us to have more reasonable spending and saving. It's too hard to live a comfortable life if you don't know how to keep your spending and saving in check. The higher living standard makes the cost of life more and more expensive.

After going to university, I have to deal with the travails in my life by myself. Being a student, I mostly live on my parents money. My study is quite busy, so I also have no time to do a part-time job. I spend much time at school and hospital. Monthly, I received a certain amount of money from my parents and try to manage my living cost with it. Despite of the fact that I have a big love of shopping, I always take time before buying something. I'm aware of my parents sacrifice for me. They have scrimped and saved to send me to university. After graduation, I really want to get a well-paid job and a good job environment to not only earn much money but also enhance my abilities .

My parents also help me to know the value of money. Money cannot satisfy all our needs. Money also cannot afford happiness but without money you cannot live happily.

Life is always full of difficulties and challenges but I actually believe that studying hard is the best way to gain a bright future life .
DoctorWho - / 46 29  
Aug 27, 2017   #2
Hello Thao!

Without stating the purpose of this essay, it becomes difficult for many of us to help you out.
As in, for what purpose is this written piece for? ( School, college application, personal statement or just an english based exam)

The beginning paragraph seems alright to me. It's a good introduction about how modern life influences our monetary habits. But, then in the second paragraph you abruptly started talking about your personal experience in the matter. It's always good to share your own life as a good example but the transition was not smooth.

Another issue I find in the essay is grammatical errors. The structures of a few sentences are wrong.
The conclusion sentence again confuses me. While the essay is about money spending habits, you have concluded by praising education. I would rather prefer the previous para as the conclusion with a few additional lines ( [G]This sentence- Money cannot satisfy....[/G]

I'll give you a quick sample example...

Intro - Modernization has made our lives comfortable and much more convenient. Higher standards of living go hand in hand with an increasing expenditure and to enjoy the benefits of this era, a reasonable spending and saving habit is quite essential.

Body Paragraph - Here talk about facts favoring your intro and on why this habit is essential. You can talk about increasing prices of various commodities like food and clothing to services like schools/ universities and hospitals. Then you can talk about your personal experience in the matter.

Conclusion- Stress again on why the habit is important. Money cannot satisfy all our needs nor can it buy happiness, but without money it's quite hard to live a decent life. Hence, controlling your income and expenses becomes quite important to live in the modern society.

Do the necessary changes and also from next time state the purpose of your work.
Good Luck! :)
'
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,364 3367  
Aug 27, 2017   #3
Thao, as a speech, I would have to say that you have chosen a very good topic. I take it that since you listed this under the sub-category of Speeches, that this is not meant for any kind of English exam but rather, meant this to be a written exercise for an English class that you are taking. In the opening statement, you did a good job of stating the purpose of your speech. However, you did not do a good job of using a transition sentence at the end in order to introduce the upcoming paragraph that deals with your personal experience. As such, the change in the discussion topic in the next paragraph feels abrupt and does not allow the reader to prepare for the change in discussion tone. The last 2 statements that you made in the speech are very short, does not really inform the listener, and because of this, does not really serve a relevant purpose in the speech. You need to develop those last 2 portions in order to create a strong closing to your speech. Right now, the speech is good but without a strong closing statement.
OP Thao Hang 1 / 1 1  
Aug 28, 2017   #4
@Holt
Thank you very much for your comment. I just start to learn writing an essay a couples of weeks. I sometimes feel confused when I have an essay exercise. I hope I can do better next time.


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