Academic atmosphere/ Professors/ Students; What excites you about Union? (150 words)

I have just rewrite my sup essay. Any feedback are appreciated. Thank you in advance!

I am interested most in the academic atmosphere that Union brings to students. Professors here have long office hours and are willing to help when students are struggling with job or internship. I am pursuing the Environmental Science major and I need orientation from knowledgeable and experienced people like professors of Union. I was impressed by Professor Kurt Hollocher who has devoted his twenty five years in Union. I wish one day I can sit in his class to study the igneous and metamorphic rocks which reveals us about the development of original mountains. Moreover, Union students seem motivated and ambitious. With small class size and intense education of three classes per term, Union is a friendly environment for me to share my ideas and to learn from others.

Your answer contains valid points, however, I wish if you presented it more creatively. The problem is with the beginning of the essay, but towards the end you show more creativity :D

There are so many applicants that you need to compete with. So, your answers need to stand out. However, you have good points and with a little effort on polishing presentation, it would turn out to be a great answer.

Thank you dumi :)
I fixed my essay and this is my new one. Can anyone help me to view it ? I would be really grateful!

There would be nowhere providing a passionate academic atmosphere like Union brings to students. The trimester system does not only reduce stress for me, but also enables me to concentrate deeply in fewer subjects at a time. Moreover, I am pursuing the Environmental Science major and I need orientation from knowledgeable and experienced people like professors of Union. I was impressed by Professor Kurt Hollocher who has devoted his twenty five years in Union. I wish one day I can sit in his class to study the igneous and metamorphic rocks which reveals about the development of original mountains, or to observe dinosaur fossils to comprehend process of fossilization. In addition, Union students seem motivated and ambitious. With small class size and intense education of three classes per term, Union is a friendly environment for me to share my ideas and to learn from others.

You did a good think by mentioning a Professor! I think you could mention him in a more fluid manner by going from "The trimester system allows me to dedicate myself" and moving into "Specifically, I could dedicate a third of my studies to the work of Professor____."

I would (love)[or a similar/better word] to dedicate a third...


rocks which reveal the development...


to understand the process

It's better!

i think your essay is too straight forward. you are only stating what you like about union and its good qualities. I think the essay lacks passion. You should be able to tell your reader that this is where you want to be and why it is perfect for you. try to sound passionate is what i will say.

i hope i helped.
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