Good evening all, I am posting my essay I intend to submit for transfer to the University of Texas, Austin, and I would greatly appreciate any critiques on my essay. This essay is very dear to me and it is critically important to me that I effectively demonstrate to the committee what kind of person and student I can bring to UT.
I know my essay is a bit long, but there were no set word limits, but if anyone has suggestions on how to cut down, I am an open book!
Thank you for your time!
A
Statement of Purpose
"Can't Touch This"
As I look back on my academic journey since it began, my memory brings me back to when my parents filed for a divorce, a custody battle over me that had significantly influenced my academic interest early on. A bitter, yet vivid, experience that always reminds me never to let my feelings be lost in translation. The impact of these endless battles between my parents consequentially made me lose focus of younger self, my interests, and who or what I intended to become. If someone were to ask me several years ago what I wanted to do, I would have told them I want to be a famous music artist or actor who travels the world someday. However, during a sudden transition from one high school to another in a different city, that dream felt as though it was slowly being pushed aside while tensions within my family grew even more. My upbringing has since left me with the lasting impression of two courts in which I grew up around, courthouses and tennis courts. Even though growing up in a dysfunctional family hindered my younger self's immediate dreams, I established new interests from exploration in culture, music, and art from all over the world. Emphasis on these passions have led me down an academic journey set on pursuing an education in global studies and political science. Ultimately, my goal is to continue my academia further in hopes of acquiring a career in international law.
My interest in law began out of hardship I was faced with from my mother when she returned to alcoholism after many years of sobriety. As my opinions mostly fell on deaf ears during intense verbal arguments, I expressed many deep emotions through writing letters. In each letter I wrote, I conveyed vulnerability in a lost voice desperately wanting the future to appear at the blink of an eye. My strong passion for music compelled me to attempt at transcribing my discontented thoughts into song lyrics. After learning to write my lyrics I then began transposing my feelings into emotional ballads. During this process I surprised myself along with my entire hometown of Port Aransas, Texas by showing them I had much more than just a voice. I revealed an alluring hidden vocal ability to harmonize my frustrations into soulful creations. It was in that exact moment of glory as I finished singing my last words when the dead silence of the auditorium changed instantly to a roaring earthquake of applause, that I realized my true potential. Through musical composition I have developed a stronger sense of confidence, ambition, persistence, and most importantly the drive to conquer my fears.
If you were to look at my academic transcript from high school it would likely describe a student who shined in most areas, but it would also depict a few moments of struggle in some areas too. Looking further it would characterize a student who excelled greatly in many sports, while standing out as an active member in many groups as well. As a result of attending a small high school in a town just as equally small, I believe it fueled my desire to venture on to bigger cities. After graduating with my diploma I opted to enroll in community college to alleviate the cost of tuition when my family, like many, encountered the economic downturn. Although community college was not my first choice, it was a setback that instead helped me mature by developing a stronger sense of responsibility and appreciation for what life had thrown at me. Essentially, that was an alternative to begin my education at a community college rather than a four-year institution. Contrary to my initial expectations and doubt, I have acquired a dynamic education that has equipped me with the essential tools and knowledge necessary to produce both quantitative and qualitative research.
I consider my education to be highly dynamic from the experiences I faced during my time at each institution in which I was enrolled. Similarly to most transfer students, we as students enroll in community college to begin our academic journeys at a cost-efficient price with the convenience of being able to attend classes, while working part-time or full-time. Many of these college students, such as myself, have taken advantage of our time on campus by getting involved with student ran groups to discover and learn new interests. Since I began at San Antonio College, I have dedicated many hours of service on campus through organizing and volunteering at events such as student fashion shows, giving campus tours, selling food in main mall, and working relentlessly to promote graduation and transfer among students as a member of the Student Government Association. I also contribute many of my service hours as the Vice President of Phi Theta Kappa Beta-Nu Honor Society by organizing food drives for our PTK Food Pantry, a non-profit, donation based food bank that administers food to students of all Alamo colleges in need. Each year, every chapter must complete two detailed projects in which we perform both extensive and quality research collectively in one lengthy research paper in order to keep our status as a five-star chapter. Our fraternity reaches out to our campus community by encouraging people to join, promoting our food panty, and by exemplifying our four Hallmarks: Scholarship, Leadership, Service, and Fellowship. By collaborating with fellow groups, we all aim to educate all Alamo College students in challenge them to think critically about furthering their educations.
As a prospective transfer student myself, I have worked steadily towards engaging myself within each of my classes, as well as getting involved by volunteering both on and off-campus. I consider myself distinguishable from most students because of my passion for knowledge; it alone continuously motivates me to always put forth my best effort in every class I've enrolled in. I achieve this partly by setting strong goals at the beginning of every semester such as making an "A," and if achieved, I earn a sense of self-empowerment. Maintaining this mentality rewards me even further through the great friendships I've established among my peers, groups, professors, and fellow students on campus. I achieved the greatest reward when I was selected as the Distinguished Graduate in International Studies of my graduating class this spring. Ultimately, through being exposed to a diverse community of intellectual individuals working together by helping each other and our community grow, I have found the greatest sense of purpose.
What my education requires is an institution that would catapult my vision. I have witnessed firsthand the value of receiving a degree from The University of Texas at Austin through my mother, and two half-sisters, all of which are academically accomplished individuals with respectable careers. My mother having worked many years at the Capital writing and getting bills passed, is now retired from being the S.W. Director of Neighbor-to-Nation, one of the largest non-profit organizations in the United States. Both of my half-sisters were each awarded presidential scholarships from different institutions, and are pursuing graduate degrees in MBA and Linguistics. As a surprise to many having a large family of eight sisters decorated with college degrees has not only been invaluable as a resource for college but also vital as my support system in which I proudly call "my family." I can wholeheartedly say through all the struggles and heartache we have endured and prevailed through, they instill in me the greatest influence to apply to U.T. Austin. They have exposed me to many of the campus's social aspects such as taking me to Longhorn football games as well as treating me to elegant performances at Bass Concert Hall. As my rock, they believe in and share my dream to receive a Longhorn education. Because I am moved so greatly in my heart by the students' involvement in Austin's melting pot for music culture, I envision U.T. Austin as the institution where I intend to continue my education and call my home. I see this as my chance to step a lot closer towards my career while seizing the opportunity to embrace my passion simultaneously. As I hold blueprints for a quality education with the support and wisdom of my mother and my sisters, I'm ready to grab life by the horns. \m/As I look back on my academic journeysince it began
... it's implied
my memory brings me back to when my parents filed for a divorce, a custody battle over me that had significantly influenced my academic interest early on.
....my memory runs to the time my parents filed their divorce case and the battle for custody over me. ... I feel it's better to talk about its influence on your academic interest in a little while, once you finish this story.
A bitter, yet vivid, experience that always reminds me never to let my feelings be lost in translation. The impact of these endless battles between my parents consequentially made me lose focus of younger self, my interests, and who or what I intended to become.
Well... you better tell them how this divorce affected you and then your academics. That part is not clear.
famous music artist
famous musician