Before you begin, I must point out that I was a transfer from another 4-year university to Lansing Community College (because of financial difficulties) and hope to transfer in the fall of 2012 to another 4-year institute. I study classical music (voice [tenor]/violin) and Chinese as my two main concentrations. I hope to transfer to either the University of Chicago, Emory University, Cornell University, or Swarthmore College--schools I never really explored while in high school. Essay is only a rough draft and needs lots more additions. Think it currently sounds vague, and some of the things I mention may need to be extracted. I have second thoughts and don't trust myself, so I need help! Appreciate it!
Essay Prompt: Reasons for transferring.
An associates degree from LCC (Lansing Community College) is not the end goal of my post-secondary education because of the hopes I have to earn my bachelor's degree in music one day. I, therefore, want to transfer and continue the remainder of my undergraduate years at a 4-year college where I will take rigorous courses from a more highly diversified curriculum.
One important reason why I must transfer is because I desire for more challenging classes with competitive students. At a community college, students are attuned only to getting through college as quick as possible; grades and overall quality of school work don't mean much to many of my schoolmates just as long they earn higher than the grade of an F. To say the least, I yearn for the normal college dorm life and get-together study groups because most students at LCC also work full-time and are extremely busy to worry more about school. I am inconceivably one of the only few who stay on top of class assignments in order to actively participate in class discussions and contentiously ask thoughtful questions. I was surprised at realizing this the first time because this was never the case when I was still in high school where I was always around ambitious individuals like myself in my AP and honors courses. My classmates and I often would compete to earn the highest grades on Calculus exams, class writing assignments, or document-based question essays for history class.
I am likely to major in music and minor in Chinese. I have chosen music because it was something I started young and learned quickly while growing up and playing the violin as my first musical instrument. And a minor concentration in Chinese is of fervent interest to me because Mandarin is a language very much like my own language (Hmong), but yet different and more sophisticated-enough to enamor me for its ancient poetry and calligraphy. Community college, however, has come to make me feel very much the same as I did in high school: a big fish in a small pond. Even in high school, despite the academic competitiveness, it was a difficult four years since there were not any classes for violin and Chinese and I had to study them on my own routinely over the weekends. My early training on the violin has excelled me far beyond the basic fundamentals for music that most music majors at LCC only begin to touch basis on for the first time. Not to mention, of all music ensembles offerred, there is also not a strings ensemble or orchestra I can take part in for college credit. Furthermore, there is not a well-established Chinese program at LCC that I can enroll in to minor in Chinese. For the most part, another reason for why I must transfer is because I feel held back for not being able to learn what it is I need for my future goals.
Through the many setbacks over my first several semesters of college, I have done all I can to make the best of my situation by taking private Chinese and piano lessons outside of LCC and playing music for my church. Nonetheless, after being able to transfer to a four-year college that may offer the programs and academic rigor that accommodate me, I look forward to being able to flourish in my studies and to really grow in my musicianship.
One important reason why I must transfer is because I desire for more challenging classes with competitive students.
should be: one important reason why I must transfer is that ...
and I personally think the " must " herer is not so appropriate, maybe " need " is better.
Just for your reference, as I myself is still in a mediocre level in English Writing.
Even in high school, despite the academic competitiveness, it was a difficult for me because there were not any classes for violin and Chinese and I had to study them on my own routinely over the weekends.
My early training on the violin allowed me to excell far beyond the basic fundamentals of music that most music majors at LCC only begin to touch basis on for the first time.
