"Acceptance" UC Prompt 1: Describe the world you come from

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

As the bell rings to signal the start of class, the students quiet down and the teacher steps forward. It is the first day of high school and the teacher begins to take attendance. As the teacher calls out names of my classman, I brace myself and wait for my turn. Then, my teacher calls out, "Yung", and I grimace. Although I have lived in California practically my whole life, I still am not use to my English teachers saying my Chinese name. For one, my name should be spelled "Yong" for the reader to pronounce it correctly, and they always forget the "Fen" that is part of my first name.

At the tender age of five, I moved to America with my mother, father, and two younger sisters. For most of my childhood youth, I have always asked myself, "Why am I Chinese? Why do I have to endure two hours of Chinese school each week when my friends don't?"

As a child, my mother took me to her friend's house practically every week. When my mom's friend was pregnant, everyone was delighted. However, once the baby was born, they realized that the baby could not dispose of his waste at all. As a newborn baby, he had to get surgery and his waste would go into a plastic bag from his stomach. Fortunately, he was able to dispose his waste regularly when he grew up. Like any other boy, he loves trains and idolizes Thomas from "Thomas and Friends". However, he was diagnosed with Kawasaki disease when he was around four years old. Kawasaki disease, also known as lymph node syndrome, is very rare and often affects children under the age of five. Looking at pictures of him laughing with his parents in the hospital, I wondered, "How can this child smile and laugh when such a thing has happened to him?" After his recovery, I continued to go to his house and played with him and his trains. Nothing about him changed; he was still the bright and intelligent kid that I watched grow up.

Through this little boy, I learned to accept reality. Despite all the pain he went through, he came out with a beautiful smile, as if what he went through was only a small matter. Compared to his troubles, my childhood struggles were minuscule. I now accept my culture and though my acceptance, I tried harder to learn Chinese and Chinese culture. In addition, I gained new interest in the medical field. After watching the boy struggle so much at a young age, my dream is to bring comfort to people, either as a doctor or a nurse.

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Thanks for reading! Please help, as my grammar and structure are my weak points. Any suggestions are welcome! :D

WOWWWW! Your essay was great! The inclusion of the little boy will definitely stir up some sentimental emotions to the admissions officers, as it did for me. And I'm not the best at grammar :/ so i really can't help you there. Also, in my opinion, I felt it was a little too lengthy when it cam to explaining his disease...maybe you should delete this sentence...if you want to that is...its just a small suggestion...hahah

"Kawasaki disease, also known as lymph node syndrome, is very rare and often affects children under the age of five"

But it was really good overall:) best of luck to you, and hopefully ill see you in Cali soon.

PS: you should totally be proud of your your culture, it rocks! and it makes you you

Thanks you input and for reading! :)

This might sound a little bad but i feel as if your being very cliche and vague.
UC's get thousands of essays that deal with Asian back grounds. Not to say to trash it completely but try to bring something to the table others haven't.

Try to avoid sentences like "Why am I Chinese? Why do I have to endure two hours of Chinese school each week when my friends don't?" as they contribute to a sort of pity party feel.

Thanks Semler4! I took it out because my friend said the same thing :)

I edited some more. Any suggestions?

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

At the age of five, I moved from Taiwan to America with my mother, father, and two younger sisters. Growing up in America, I found myself losing my Chinese roots. I was tired of going to Chinese school and grew uninterested in my culture.

As a child, my mother often took me to her friend's house and I would play with her daughter. She is three years older and like a sister to me. When I was around eleven years old, my mom's friend became pregnant with her second child and everyone was delighted. However, once the baby was born, they realized that he could not dispose of his waste at all. As a newborn baby, he had to get surgery and his waste would go into a plastic bag from his stomach. Fortunately, he was able to dispose his waste regularly after a year. I treated him like a younger brother; I helped feed him and even witnessed his first stumbling steps. However, he was diagnosed with Kawasaki disease when he was around four years old. Despite his disease, he was still a normal boy. He loves singing to Wang Lee Hom's new songs and playing with his "Thomas and Friends" trains. Looking at pictures of him laughing with his parents in the hospital, I wondered, "How can this child smile and laugh when such a thing has happened to him?" After his recovery, I continued to go to his house and played with him and his trains. He would always remind me when I go the names of his trains mixed up. Nothing about him changed; he was still the brave, bright, and intelligent kid that I watched grow up.

Through this little boy, I learned to accept reality. He knew what happened to him does not happen to everybody, but he accepted it. Despite all the pain he went through, he came out with a beautiful smile, as if what he went through was only a small matter. Compared to his troubles, my childhood struggles were minuscule. My reality is that being Chinese is part of who I am. I should embrace that part of me and learn more about my culture. After some karaoke sessions at their house, I became a fan of Wang Lee Hom and of other Chinese artists. When I genuinely tried to learn Chinese, I found myself actually interested in Chinese festivities and traditions. In addition, I gained a new interest in the medical field. When I heard of the boy's disease, I was curious because I have never heard of it before. I looked it up on the Internet and learned that Kawasaki disease is extremely rare and is usually found in children. Reading and learning about its symptoms, I felt even more sympathy for the boy because he went through a lot of pain. After watching the boy struggle so much at a young age, my dream is to bring comfort to people, either as a doctor or a nurse.