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"Acceptance and Trust" - personal quality, contribution, etc.



cherry_09 3 / 6  
Aug 18, 2012   #1
Prompt: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to you as a person?

My unfinished essay. Please help me with my essay.

"Acceptance and Trust"

During my childhood years, I never accept everything that I have. I often wish that someday I can be like them. What I mean is, I wish that I can have a complete family, I wish I can be so smart like my friend, and I can wish that I can have a better life like the other people. I've always been jealous in everything that I see. But, there was one thing that helps me to accept of what I have which is myself. Actually, I've never learn on how to accept what I am. Until one day, I realized that if I still continue being jealous, it will end up nothing. I should be thankful to the things that I have in my life right now.

If you want to be like smart as your friend, or if you want to have a better life, why won't you try to work hard to be successful? You still have time to get all of this. Being jealous is not a better way for me. It's not really bad to have a wish like this, but sometimes expecting too much can get you hurt.

Sometimes, when I don't get the things that I want, I cried most of the time. I'm not a child anymore, but it seems like I still act like a child. When I turn in my teenage life, I learned how to accept myself. I learned how to be matured enough. Acceptance is my greatest achievement in my entire whole life. I never expect this before, I'm proud of myself for learning this kind of a thing. At first, acceptance is never been easy for me. It takes me too long to appreciate and cherish the things in my life.

I remember my best friend, I've been jealous to her because she was always got higher grades than mine. She told me being jealous, you'll not succeed. Then, after she told me that way, she never talked to me for a year. I feel frustrated and disappointed. I wish I never been jealous to her. It's my fault I never accept the way my life is. How can others accept me if I can't accept myself?

On the other hand, trust is my second greatest achievement in life. I don't know how I can trust myself. I sometimes say that I can't do it; I need other people to help me. My brother and my older sister taught me that I should stand on my own feet. I should believe in myself. If you can't trust yourself, how you can trust other people?

It's never been easy for me to trust myself, but when I immigrate here in U.S.A. It forced me to stand where I am and believe in myself. I thought that I can't ease this problem. But, I'm actually wrong. There was one reason why I can't also even trust myself because of the other people who put me down. They told me you can't be successful.

For people who put me down, I became inspired in my life. When I studied here in U.S., I proved to them they are eventually wrong. I'm almost three years here in state, I thought that they're right that I can't have a better life, but because of those awards I got in my new school it made me think that I can finally trust myself and ignore other people's saying about my future.

I never regret learning this personal quality.

mjafarinasab 1 / 2  
Aug 18, 2012   #2
Hello, i had a little time and could only read and revise the first paragraph of your essay, (sorry about that!)
but as a general notification: your essay needs a general and great revise on the verb tense!

During my childhood years, I never acceptedeverythinganything that I havehad . I often used to wish that someday I can be like themI could be in other's shoes someday(still you should determine that who 'other' is!) .

Until one daySince , I realized that if I still continue being jealous, it will end up nothing. I should be thankful to the things that I have in my current life right now.

Good luck.
ginaJ 1 / 1  
Aug 21, 2012   #3
HI~~ I personally think that it would be the best if you use other pronouns instead of "you," or maybe change the sentence a little bit, because we can't assume the readers to do or want to do anything.

"Acceptance is my greatest achievement in my entire whole life. " entire and whole means the same thing, so you should choose one that you feel comfortable with :)

" I thought that they're right that I can't have a better life; however those awards I got in my new school..." just my opinion though, "but" and "because in one sentence seemes a little redundant.

I really like your point, hope my opinions can help you a little bit, GOOD LUCK!~


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