with a suggestion of many people, I changed my intro and conclusion dramatically...!
I tried to get rid off the redundancy, so please check my essay and I'll really appreciate frank comments on my essay !!!
prompt: A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.
Judith Henderson, a renowned composer, once said, "Our greatest strength as a human race is our ability to acknowledge our differences, our greatest weakness is our failure to embrace them." Living in a foreign country for almost 5 years, I thought I had the "greatest strength" to understand the diversity among people. However, never had I realized my greatest weakness until the accident that changed my life.
I am an active, outgoing high school student from South Korea, who lives in a dormitory with 50 other girls. Although I am only 17 years old, I am definitely sure that I have experienced more international relations with people than most others in the world. Before I came to study English at my current high school in the United States, I had lived in Canada for one and a half years. Removed from my home and my country, I experienced the sense of diversity for the first time. In a single household, I lived with two Koreans, two Chinese, one French, three Canadians, and one half-European baby. At first, I could barely speak English; therefore, everything seemed difficult and chaotic. But the hardest part was that I had to live with new people who were not related to me biologically. Often, I felt that the host family would not love me as much as my parents had loved me. All the cultural differences, and my misunderstandings, gradually built up an invisible wall between us. But all these puerile thoughts, which now I realize, disappeared after the car accident with my guardian, Caroline, that inspired me to embrace the differences among people.
On December 23, 2004, I was on my way to Costco with Caroline to buy decorations for Christmas. With the twinkling lights on the street and a blithe Christmas atmosphere all around, I was more than excited. After shopping, we were heading back home, but unfortunately the highway was completely jammed. Our car was creeping through heavy traffic, and we were starting to get frustrated. This was only the beginning of our unlucky day. Suddenly, when we finally resumed speed at an intersection-BANG!-a car plowed into the left side of our car. I couldn't see or hear anything, because I was knocked unconscious. The moment when I recovered my consciousness, the car that collided with ours was gone; it was a hit-and-run accident. Then I realized Caroline's hands were on my chest. Soon, I could visualize the situation just as it happened, as though experiencing a flashback. Knowing that her own life would be at risk, Caroline sacrificed herself for me. In a flash, she had thrown her body onto me as a protection to keep me safe. Thanks to her, the accident left me with only a few scratches, but she was severely injured on the back of her neck. While accompanying her to the emergency room, I was ashamed to realize how immature and selfish I was to think cultural difference as a barrier to the relationships with people. Whereas I set a boundary between her and me, Caroline accepted me as a part of her family, not just as a "Korean girl." She loved me and understood me beyond the limit of cultural differences. Her affection and devotion toward me were, after all, the same as those of my mother.
After that momentous accident, my thoughts changed dramatically to a mature perspective. Instead of considering the differences between us as a barrier that keeps us apart, I used them as a means to bond us even closer. With Caroline's help, I could overcome my homesickness or longing for my own ethnic group. In a completely new house, we were similar to a puzzle, or an orchestra, in a sense that we brought our unique identities together and created a greater harmony.
Although I had to go through a dramatic accident to realize and correct my prejudiced mind-sets against diversity, I realized how diversity could play a critical role in one's life. Only under diverse circumstance, can we acknowledge the universal trait that resides deep down in everyone's heart: the desire and potential to unite together in a greater circle of diversity. As the circle of diversity expands in my life, I will talk to more people, meet more people, and have more various perspectives. Yet, I will still seek for certain traits that we share in common and will play beautiful tunes with people in harmony.
I tried to get rid off the redundancy, so please check my essay and I'll really appreciate frank comments on my essay !!!
prompt: A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.
Judith Henderson, a renowned composer, once said, "Our greatest strength as a human race is our ability to acknowledge our differences, our greatest weakness is our failure to embrace them." Living in a foreign country for almost 5 years, I thought I had the "greatest strength" to understand the diversity among people. However, never had I realized my greatest weakness until the accident that changed my life.
I am an active, outgoing high school student from South Korea, who lives in a dormitory with 50 other girls. Although I am only 17 years old, I am definitely sure that I have experienced more international relations with people than most others in the world. Before I came to study English at my current high school in the United States, I had lived in Canada for one and a half years. Removed from my home and my country, I experienced the sense of diversity for the first time. In a single household, I lived with two Koreans, two Chinese, one French, three Canadians, and one half-European baby. At first, I could barely speak English; therefore, everything seemed difficult and chaotic. But the hardest part was that I had to live with new people who were not related to me biologically. Often, I felt that the host family would not love me as much as my parents had loved me. All the cultural differences, and my misunderstandings, gradually built up an invisible wall between us. But all these puerile thoughts, which now I realize, disappeared after the car accident with my guardian, Caroline, that inspired me to embrace the differences among people.
On December 23, 2004, I was on my way to Costco with Caroline to buy decorations for Christmas. With the twinkling lights on the street and a blithe Christmas atmosphere all around, I was more than excited. After shopping, we were heading back home, but unfortunately the highway was completely jammed. Our car was creeping through heavy traffic, and we were starting to get frustrated. This was only the beginning of our unlucky day. Suddenly, when we finally resumed speed at an intersection-BANG!-a car plowed into the left side of our car. I couldn't see or hear anything, because I was knocked unconscious. The moment when I recovered my consciousness, the car that collided with ours was gone; it was a hit-and-run accident. Then I realized Caroline's hands were on my chest. Soon, I could visualize the situation just as it happened, as though experiencing a flashback. Knowing that her own life would be at risk, Caroline sacrificed herself for me. In a flash, she had thrown her body onto me as a protection to keep me safe. Thanks to her, the accident left me with only a few scratches, but she was severely injured on the back of her neck. While accompanying her to the emergency room, I was ashamed to realize how immature and selfish I was to think cultural difference as a barrier to the relationships with people. Whereas I set a boundary between her and me, Caroline accepted me as a part of her family, not just as a "Korean girl." She loved me and understood me beyond the limit of cultural differences. Her affection and devotion toward me were, after all, the same as those of my mother.
After that momentous accident, my thoughts changed dramatically to a mature perspective. Instead of considering the differences between us as a barrier that keeps us apart, I used them as a means to bond us even closer. With Caroline's help, I could overcome my homesickness or longing for my own ethnic group. In a completely new house, we were similar to a puzzle, or an orchestra, in a sense that we brought our unique identities together and created a greater harmony.
Although I had to go through a dramatic accident to realize and correct my prejudiced mind-sets against diversity, I realized how diversity could play a critical role in one's life. Only under diverse circumstance, can we acknowledge the universal trait that resides deep down in everyone's heart: the desire and potential to unite together in a greater circle of diversity. As the circle of diversity expands in my life, I will talk to more people, meet more people, and have more various perspectives. Yet, I will still seek for certain traits that we share in common and will play beautiful tunes with people in harmony.
