Prompt: Share an experience through which you have gained respect for intellectual, social, or cultural differences. Comment
on how your personal experiences and achievements would contribute to the diversity of the University of Michigan.
As I felt the sweat drench my palms and the quiver in my legs, I prepared myself to give a seventy-six minute presentation on the immune system to my AP Biology class. Although I had been rehearsing for days, I still made last minute scans over my PowerPoint and thought about how my teacher had told me that the immune system was the hardest chapter and I had to do an exceptional job of teaching it to the class. As I finished my presentation, I was surprised to learn that most of my classmates had achieved a strong grasp of the material and I had done a great job of teaching it. I had taken my teachers advice and presented the material in a concise and easy to understand format so all the students would be able to understand the difficult concepts.
As my teacher called me up to congratulate me on my difficult feat, I thanked him for his helpful advice and realized the unforgettable lesson I had learned regarding intellectual diversity. Through the help of my teacher, I learned that not everyone speaks, writes, or even talks the same way I do, and many times, it takes simple terms and concepts to convey a concept theory. Because of the many experiences I have had, I have achieved a greater appreciation of intellectual diversity and will therefore be able to strengthen the diversity at the University of Michigan.
As you didn't include what type of assistance you were seeking, I have made some general comments in regards to your piece.
"As I felt the sweat drench my palms and the quiver in my legs, I prepared myself to give a seventy-six minute presentation on the immune system to my AP BiologyThis isn't a proper noun, so it shouldn't be capitalized. class.
You've done a great job concisely describing the event and easily relating it to how you will contribute to the university. Your piece is easy to read, well organized, and sequential. Nice work.
once again sorry about that same thing with this essay i just wanted to know what you thought of the piece overall and weather i should stick with this or make any changes talk about soemthing different weather you had any suggesstions etc. thanks
You're very welcome. The content looks good to me; you answer the prompt and it is easy to read. I think it is a fine answer.
Keep up the hard work!
Regards,
Gloria
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