Since the time i started making plans or began setting goals for my future, the one thing that I had in my mind was to acquire high levels of education which would help me to achieve those great heights and those great dreams that I have always dreamed of! In high school, while I was still initiating my future plans, I had one firm or strong thought in my mind: to be in a university where my dreams would acquire a real form, where education would not just be confined to any cultural limits or boundaries, where only those bright minds and faces would be accepted who truly posses the ability of being able to understand, that education is not a tool that makes a straight-cut ditch of a free meandering brook, but, it is a kind of continuing dialog that assumes different points of views. I wish to be surrounded by a faculty who would not just educate me with the wisdom of the world, but, also guide me transforming myself right from head to toe into a responsible citizen, not just of my city, state, or country, but the globe as a whole. I aspire to make a mark for myself on this planet. What better place would there be for engaging my ambitions, than NYUAD? I believe that NYUAD would be the first and the most important step of my career and a place where I could pursue my goals and aspirations in the true sense!
For a 'Why ABC' essay, I think yours is a little too much focus on yourself, rather than the university that you want to attend. It's better to show the admission committee why their university attracts you that much. Anyway, this is my sole opinion; the content is still up to you.
Thank you!...I quite agree with your point..it is focusing more on me, than the univ.
I'd try making it better!
You write very well!! But this essay is full of general ideas, nothing specific to define you.
This is the way to trim away extra words. Words are heavy, weighing the essay down. Pack a hard punch! :-) ------> Since the time i started making plans or and began setting goals for my future, the one thing thought that I had in my mind was to acquire high levels of education which would help me to ...
This is too vague:
achieve those great heights and those great dreams that I have always dreamed of!
Name the object of your aspiration. Explain the dream. Don't just refer to it; explain it.
Here, you again show that you have no plans yet:
In high school, while I was still initiating my future plans, I had one firm or strong thought in my mind: to be in a university where ... meandering brook, but, it is a kind of continuing dialog that assumes different points of view .
I believe that NYUAD would be the first and the most important step ...--- why? You give no evidence.
The idea I have for you is this: You write VERY well, very eloquently, and I hate to suggest that you should change any of these beautifully crafter sentences, but... the way to make this powerful is to come up with a tentative plan or your future. That way, you can tell about the resources and professors at this school that are perfect for helping you to achieve your dream of being... some kind of educator? Some kind of leader? Some kind of writer? Some kind of entrepreneur? Artist? You do not have to commit to a career, but you should come up with a tentative plan. That is the way to define yourself and make the application memorable.
:-)
Thank you very much! Thanks a million for helping! I'll try my best in making it better and getting off the vagueness!
Hey Silkesha!!
Are you applying to NYU AD this coming school year?
I am happily, anxiously, and excitedly part of the inaugural class of '14 for NYU AD!
When I applied last year, I actually didn't apply directly to NYU AD so I won't have too much specific help to provide, but I can give you a feel tips!
Try to be more specific! Honestly, it's written well but it's not extremely distinctive. In my opinion, your best part was the "meandering brooks" which was a nice metaphor of sorts that brought imagery. I would expand upon that and throw in additional extended metaphors. Also, perhaps reflect on an important personal moment in your life that you find demonstrates your global outlook and that you're the right fit for NYU AD. Good luck!!
hey, thanks a lot!...i feel so gooood to have received a reply from u (a student at NYUAD)!!!...
thanks a lotttt!!!...
and yes, I am going to apply to NYUAD this year...(as an RD applicant)
this was my first submission, here at essayforum...it was kinda very quick...so, kindly excuse me, pls... :S
I will submit my original essays in the next few months...hope to receive feedbacks from u...
well, one more thing..I've just added u on fb...hope u dont mind..
and once again, thanks a lotttttt!!!...
I was actually searching for someone from NYUAD, here! :D
THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
I love your writing style. So jealous.
But I feel as though, when an admissions counselor is reading this, they don't see specific reasons why you wish to attend their school! You can kind of plug in any university instead, and it would work. Why not look up new construction that has been done..
"Due to my interest in blah blah blah, I feel as though NYUAD's recently constructed blah blah blah would be greatly beneficial in comparison to the lackluster departments that are seen at the neighboring school of blah."
No problem!!
If you're wondering why I've seemed to drop off the planet that is Facebook and haven't accepted your request yet... I'm in China at the moment and consequently behind "THE GREAT FIREWALL OF CHINA" which blocks among many other things, Facebook. So yeah, I'm not purposefully ignoring you.
Well good luck with the college process! I won't bother fudging the truth... Senior year 1st semester will be a pain in the arse.
To be brutally honest, the acceptance rate for my class was 2.1%. Though it may seem exceedingly daunting, I wish to remind you that hope and action get one much further than despair and wallowing in self-pity and doubt.
If you have the time and wish to do some soul searching in order to ascertain whether NYU AD might be a good fit for you, then check out the book Cosmopolitan by Appiah. It's also my class' summer reading assignment of sorts... Hopefully it'll give you much to think about and perhaps tickle your muse and inspire your writing!
Thanks a lot Allison ! :D
Thank you very much, Harrison ! I'll surely check out this book! :D
