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"to advance my interest in the sciences" What Makes Columbia Appealing to You and Why



PrinceofPersia 1 / 3  
Dec 30, 2010   #1
This is my first draft of my Columbia short answer, and I think it sounds a little blunt. Any help to make it sound more lucid would be greatly appreciated! :D

As I toured the Columbia campus last December, I've come to admire the university's commitment to creating a thriving community where one raised in the west can effortlessly adapt and interact with another from the east. Be its Core Curriculum, which caters to the academic interests of every one of its students, or it's eclectic bunch of students that gives the school such an animated image, I never find myself holding any doubts about Columbia's reputation as one of the world's greatest universities.

I picture myself in the Butler Library delving into Plato and Homer's epic poems that make up just parts of The Core. And while every student new to Columbia takes the same general courses, the diversity of its student body makes the school an even greater wonder. In this sense, Columbia creates the paradigm that college isn't just about learning from classes, but from the students as well. It seems as if every student here can write a short novel about his or her development as an individual. I'm seen as one with an inimitable character, and Columbia is the epitome of a melting pot, diffusing character and culture from all over the world. Attending Columbia would not only allow me to express my individuality, but provide me with the opportunity to advance my interest in the sciences as a Biology major.

Heavenn07 5 / 12  
Dec 30, 2010   #2
This is great! It shows your knowledge of the school well and is very personal.
Only comment is that there is some awkward phrasing in the 3rd sentence... "make up just parts of The Core" doesn't really make sense even though I get what you are trying to say.
Heavenn07 5 / 12  
Dec 30, 2010   #4
Maybe talk about how you enjoy those poems and say "but that is only a part of the amazing Core Curriculum..."
That was cheesy but you get the idea.

If you have a chance I would love your feedback on my essays. :)
OP PrinceofPersia 1 / 3  
Dec 30, 2010   #5
Okay thank you so much! Is there anything else I should add? I can fit about 280 characters more.
Antuanette 2 / 3  
Dec 30, 2010   #6
This is really good !!
Can really tell you want to go to Columbia..
If I were you though I would concentrate more on the bio stuff but keep the poems, it shows diversity!! xox


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