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"adventure boy in Spain" - experience, achievement, risk. Common Application.



danielh9103 1 / 2  
Oct 8, 2010   #1
Please let me know if I am on track and any advice. Thank you very much.

C.A Option 1. Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

"Adventure Boy in Spain"

I have never considered myself as the "adventure boy" who played childhood games with the neighborhood kids. Nor was I the child who had an obsession over having sleepovers with my best friends. I was always the "indoor kid" who loved being in the safety of my own home. With only a few exceptions, nobody has been able to separate me from my parents for even a day.

A few summers ago, my family became friends with a family from Spain and as years passed, we grew closer to them. This past summer, we met with the Spanish family in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic and my summer began to twist. After spending an amusing week in paradise, my yearly family vacation came to its conclusion. As we waited for our tardy taxi to arrive, the Spanish family began asking me if I would like to go to Spain; considering school would not start for another five weeks. I apathetically said I would love to travel to Spain for a few weeks, but I knew deep down it was never going to happen because I did not want to travel without my parents.

As we waited and the minutes passed, my friends would continue persuading me to travel to Spain with them, but I would kindly shift the subject. Having plenty of summer assignments to complete and college applications to begin, I would feel guilty putting off all these important tasks. The taxi arrived and the Spanish family asked me one last time if I wanted stay with them. I looked at my parents and they nodded and told me I should go because not everyday I will be given this unexpected opportunity. My parents handed over my passport and money for the trip. At this point, my mind was spinning and I felt lightheaded in a matter of seconds. My parents gave me the tightest hug I have ever received from them, and I took that opportunity to look at them and smell them knowing that it will be the last time I will be able to for two weeks. The taxi drove away and what I believed was the end of my summer was actually only the beginning.

A few days later, we traveled to Madrid, Spain, and I was living my dream; traveling to a European country. I rode on the fastest train in the country and arrived at Cádiz, where the family lived, which is known as the oldest city in Western Europe. My parents were not out of my mind for even a split-second. I called my parents every single day once I woke up and before they went to bed. As much as I missed them, I was having the best summer of my young life. In a single day, I visited Gibraltar, swam in the Mediterranean Sea, and spotted Africa in the distance. Not everybody has been offered this opportunity; I am a lucky one.

My summer in Spain was coming to an end, but a lot was taken out of this trip. Being without my parents for two weeks, I discovered numerous things about myself. Responsibility was a key word I put to work, as I had to be responsible towards my belongings and myself. My parents were not there telling me what I could and could not do, as I had to my own decisions. This was a time for me to reflect on everything my parents taught me throughout my life and use it in real-life situations. This summer in Spain was a fundamental learning experience that will help me with my adjustment to the college life.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Oct 11, 2010   #2
Hi there,

You have a nice writing style, but I think you need to intensify this essay. Think of your purpose. What is the experience you want to provide for the reader?

For example, why did you choose to include this?----I called my parents every single day once I woke up and before they went to bed.

I argue that this sentence is not helpful for providing the reader with the experience you want to provide.

Why did you choose to tell all about the conversation where they persuaded you? Is that the most important thing to talk about?

I think your purpose is to show them that you are able to think critically and use INTROSPECTION to reflect on a major experience. I think you should revise so that this essay tells them three or four of your new ideas about life and about your career, ideas that may be inspired by this experience.

The essay is about the trip, but it is also about you as a college applicant.
:-)


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