This is very tentative, any and all comments/advice is welcome!
Personal Essay 1 - TOPIC A
Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.
Personal Essay 1
We all know that person that just seems to be naturally talented at, well, everything. You know-that kid that's been given every single opportunity? That girl that can juggle AP Physics and dance rehearsals, but is still Varsity soccer captain with a great social life? Or that guy that's simultaneously the Varsity Quarterback/Short-Stop/Homecoming King/Valedictorian? We all know that person. They're talented. They're lucky. They're driven. And they know it. Now usually this is where I would tell you who this person is to me and how their great accomplishments have motivated me to better myself. But I'm not going to do that. Not because I'm trying to be offbeat, or because I think I am that person, but because that person, to me, never knew she was.
"You've been acting a lot like Alexa lately," was one of the most hateful things my mother has ever said to me. To the people that know Alexa, but don't know her very well, this is a nice enough comment. Even to me, this was a compliment to some degree; but I knew as well as my mother that she didn't mean it as a compliment. Alexa Ellis will probably always be the most talented person I know. I have never met someone with so much potential-at everything. It takes a lot to say that someone is just naturally talented, but that's the only way to describe her. Alexa doesn't study. She doesn't practice. She doesn't care. How could so much natural talent belong to just one person? How could so much natural talent essentially go to waste? I hate to say it, but it's true: Alexa is letting her A's-in-all-AP-classes go to waste. She's letting her voice-that-sounds-like-Hayley Williams' and musical-gift-like-Conor Oberst's go to waste. Alexa, her potential, and her lack of appreciation for it have made a severe impact on my life and how I view myself as a person.
Alexa and I were best friends for most of my sophomore and junior year. We grew apart due to several reasons, none of which have anything to do with this, but her importance to me and the impact that she had on me won't fade as fast as our friendship has. Alexa made me realize that even though some people get lucky, they don't always stay that way. She hasn't embraced her potential, not yet at least, and until she does Alexa will stay where she is. She could, literally, be anything she wants to be, but instead she is content with community college, cosmetology school, and the piano in her room. I wish that I could somehow show her what she could be. I wish that I could've inspired or encouraged Alexa to make something more of herself, but I'll probably never get the chance to.
I'm slowly learning to embrace my own potential, not to envy those with more than me. Before Alexa, I wouldn't have auditioned for Varsity Choir OR Rock School. Before Alexa, I didn't know that I could make it into both. It frustrates me to think of how much she has and how much she could do, and this continues to motivate me. I know my potential. I appreciate it, and I'm going to use it. In the past year, I've been thinking a lot more about my future, and I know now how I can use my past, my experiences, and my skills to do what I want to do. I know all of this now, and I want to help others realize-and reach-their own potential. And what better way to do this than to teach.
To the people that know Alexa, but don't know her very well ---> change to: personally
We grew apart due to several reasons, none of which have anything to do with this ---> delete that
This is a VERY unique idea, not the norm for this type of essay where people write about their dad. I think this essay will stand out among others! Great job!
** could you criticize mine? it would be greatly appreciated!
This is an outstanding essay. A few typos, but terrific job. I would suggest reading it out loud a few times and will help identify areas where you will need some commas.
But I'm not going to do that. Not because I'm trying to be offbeat, or because I think I am that person, but because that person, to me, never knew she was.---- this is high quality stuff. I like it. You have an interesting way...
Alexa, her potential, and her lack of appreciation for it have made a severe impact on my life and how I view myself as a person.--- this makes the essay very profound. I suspect that you may get in arguments with people who will never see eye to eye with you because you can think in such a complex way.
The only real change I would make is to take a few sentences out of that intro paragraph... it takes a long time to make it's point. But really, this is a favorite of mine.
thank you for your feedback.
we've been doing some peer-editing in my AP Lit class,
and this is still a draft, but I've been told I need to talk a little more about the impact that she had on me personally.
Any suggestions?
May i ask what college this essay is from? I wrote a great essay to this topic but i cannot find a college that has this essay topic...
Its for the ApplyTexas common application -- any public university in texas.
How do i see the website page that shows the topic? Could you maybe post the link, I'm supposed to print out the essay requirements for my English class. Thanks so much!
applytexas.org/adappc/parms/c_univ_info.WBX
Pick the School you want to apply to, then click Essay. It tells you what your school requires and which essays are optional, along with the prompt.
I've been told I need to talk a little more about the impact that she had on me personally.
Any suggestions?
I don't know, this seems pretty personal! I mean... it is very personal. I am not sure what the person must have meant when saying it needs to be more personal...
The is deep introspection. You notice your drive toward success, and you notice her potential, and it is almost like you want to make sure you fulfill your potential as a way of coping with the frustration she causes you! Ha ha... but seriously, focus on your own success, and by succeeding you will motivate her. Set yourself an October 1st deadline for a goal.
:-)
