Alice's Adventures in Wonderland! Essay for Fashion Institute of Technology's FMM program

Hello :) I am applying to the Spring-Term Fashion Merchandising Management program at F.I.T
I really want your feedback and correction with my essay. The essay topic is as follows:

What makes you a perfect candidate for F.I.T.? Why are you interested in the major that you are applying to? This is your chance to tell us more about your experiences, activities, and accomplishments.

and this is my intro

When I was little, I loved the book Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, I was once like Alice knocking on the door in Wonderland, looking for her white rabbit in a dreamy forest.

However, what captured my eyes more than the story was their clothing. I loved their stunning and dazzling dresses ironically made of chic patterns. Everyone in Wonderland wore breathtakingly beautiful clothes even the white rabbit. I aspired go to into the career of fashion after I realized that fashion is the strongest method that I could become anyone I wanted to be and enter the dreamy forest anytime I wanted. In the book, they had different style of clothing as representing who they are. I found my white rabbit and now it is time to open my door in a dreamy forest into Fashion Institute of Technology for my real dream world.

THANK YOU

I like how you tried to be creative with your essay using an interesting story. And yes, their clothes really are fascinating but I would say be more clear about the message. Write about how in real life your fashion expresses your personality and how you dress like yourself. You could compare your style to the Rabbit's style or Alice's style to make it interesting. And be descriptive to how the fashion sense actually looks like instead of being generic!

thank you! :) and this is now

When I was little, I loved the book Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, I was once like Alice knocking on the door in Wonderland, looking for her white rabbit in a dreamy forest. However, what captured my eyes more than the story was their clothing. I loved their stunning and dazzling dresses ironically made of chic patterns. Everyone in Wonderland wore breathtakingly beautiful clothes even the white rabbit. I aspired go to into the career of fashion after I realized that fashion is the strongest method that I could become anyone I wanted to be and enter the dreamy forest anytime I wanted. There was something morbidly fascinating about Fashion. In the book, they had different style of clothing as who they are. I found my white rabbit and now it is time to open my door in a dreamy forest into Fashion Institute of Technology for my real dream world.

I read Alice's Adventures in Wonderland from different countries to see how they drew character's clothes in different style. I also wanted to buy their clothes at market, however, I couldn't find any dresses like that at shopping mall. No one made a dresses to buy. That desire for dress turn into fire wanting to pursue a career in Fashion Merchandising Management. I believed that fashion is not only about show and magazine but it is also how people want to wear it in their ordinary days. I set my fire in my heart and moved to New York, bustling with fashion ideas and different concepts. My heart beat rapidly with full of passion and excitement. In high school, I took art classes as many as possible to learn and see how other people make clothes and turn their clothe's to produce. When I went to FIT in school for field trip, what attract my attention most was a fashion store, which is student make dresses and accessories and sell their own items. Something kept going through my mind was if I have a chance to study in FIT I want to study for Fashion Merchandising Management and Study on Visual Merchadising strategy of Fashion store something like that.

I realized that fashion is the strongest method that I could become anyonethe one I always wanted to be and enter the dreamy forest anytime I wanted.


.... this is your belief about fashion ans therefore keep the sentence in present tense;
I believe that fashion is not only about glamour, show and trend, but it is also what people desire to wear in their day to day life.


My heart started beating fast with full of passion and excitement.