Please help me. Any comments welcome!!!
Prompt: Why are you interested in Allegheny College? (your response is quite important to the admission committee.)
I am an advocate and artist who likes math and speaks English, Japanese, and Korean. I stare at my sketchbook, calculator, Japanese dictionary, and picture of kids I met during Volunteers' Club on my desk, depicted in the front cover of Allegheny's handbook. I look at the yellow word "unusual" and the sky blue word "combinations". Yes, everything on my desk now is what I like to do. Even though it appears unusual from the outside, I never thought what I like to do and what I am doing are unusual combinations. I just don't like to be put in a box. Attracted the big yellow word "unusual," my fingers grip the side of the paper to figure out whether my interests and talents are "unusual combinations" in Allegheny or not.
Pictures of students. I like the feeling that the smiling faces portrayed in those pictures seem very happy and real. A big picture on the left side, everyone is so different from each other while everyone is in the same building. I imagine my picture there, among those people, advertising community services for kids to other students like people handing out the red papers to others in the left side of picture, and the red letters "CDSH" behind them catch my attention even though I do not know what it is. I realize my smiling, as I would smile if I were there, in my future picture. The next pages kept me throughout attracted. From the feelings that pictures gave me, I got little sense of what is means to be an Allegheny student. The handbook introduced Sara who is political scientist, journalist, economist, senator, social chair, publicity chair, vice president, campus tour guide, and freshman seminar advisor. How can she do all these things? I was amazed at how many incredible opportunities Allegheny provides to their student and how students enjoy their opportunities in diverse ways. I also met Dr. O'brien and Dr. Bulman, professors who enjoy their activities as well as students. I also encountered Lauren who studied semester abroad in Germany. One of my biggest dreams has always been traveling and meeting new people, culture, and the world. In addition, Allegheny's Study Abroad and EL Travel Seminars seem like an exciting, rewarding chance to fulfill my passion. Erika gave me an image of the volunteering at local community.
After further research on Allegheny's website, I could picture myself as a member of "Habitat for Humanity", "International Club", and "Peace Coalition". Every person I met in the handbook, with their unique interests, talents, and passions, helped me understand that Allegheny is very unique place for students who are able to look at things from diverse sides. I am almost to the back cover of handbook. I skim through Allegheny's Programs of Study, to find where my passion fits in. "Values, Ethics & Social Action"-the perfect place for me to blend both my care for people in alienation, social isolation, and confusion and my desire to understand and help people. With minor in Communication Art and International Studies, I am thrilled by the amazing opportunities to make a positive impact on people, community, and the world. Combining all my interests and talents will enable me to add up to one outstanding social worker who speaks three different languages, draws and paints well, solves complex calculus problems for fun, and makes the world better in the future. It is the last page of the handbook, and I touched the side of the paper to finish my reading. I close my eyes and smile. I slip back to the front cover, and stare the word "unusual combination". Now, I know why my interests, talents, and passions are "unusual combination" and why it fit in Allegheny.
I think it fits the other prompt: Briefly describe your unusual combinations of interests and talents and how they will fit at Allegheny.
Shall I use this essay for "Why" or "my unusual combinations"? Please help me. My first language is not English, so I may have lots of grammar mistakes. HELP.
Prompt: Why are you interested in Allegheny College? (your response is quite important to the admission committee.)
I am an advocate and artist who likes math and speaks English, Japanese, and Korean. I stare at my sketchbook, calculator, Japanese dictionary, and picture of kids I met during Volunteers' Club on my desk, depicted in the front cover of Allegheny's handbook. I look at the yellow word "unusual" and the sky blue word "combinations". Yes, everything on my desk now is what I like to do. Even though it appears unusual from the outside, I never thought what I like to do and what I am doing are unusual combinations. I just don't like to be put in a box. Attracted the big yellow word "unusual," my fingers grip the side of the paper to figure out whether my interests and talents are "unusual combinations" in Allegheny or not.
Pictures of students. I like the feeling that the smiling faces portrayed in those pictures seem very happy and real. A big picture on the left side, everyone is so different from each other while everyone is in the same building. I imagine my picture there, among those people, advertising community services for kids to other students like people handing out the red papers to others in the left side of picture, and the red letters "CDSH" behind them catch my attention even though I do not know what it is. I realize my smiling, as I would smile if I were there, in my future picture. The next pages kept me throughout attracted. From the feelings that pictures gave me, I got little sense of what is means to be an Allegheny student. The handbook introduced Sara who is political scientist, journalist, economist, senator, social chair, publicity chair, vice president, campus tour guide, and freshman seminar advisor. How can she do all these things? I was amazed at how many incredible opportunities Allegheny provides to their student and how students enjoy their opportunities in diverse ways. I also met Dr. O'brien and Dr. Bulman, professors who enjoy their activities as well as students. I also encountered Lauren who studied semester abroad in Germany. One of my biggest dreams has always been traveling and meeting new people, culture, and the world. In addition, Allegheny's Study Abroad and EL Travel Seminars seem like an exciting, rewarding chance to fulfill my passion. Erika gave me an image of the volunteering at local community.
After further research on Allegheny's website, I could picture myself as a member of "Habitat for Humanity", "International Club", and "Peace Coalition". Every person I met in the handbook, with their unique interests, talents, and passions, helped me understand that Allegheny is very unique place for students who are able to look at things from diverse sides. I am almost to the back cover of handbook. I skim through Allegheny's Programs of Study, to find where my passion fits in. "Values, Ethics & Social Action"-the perfect place for me to blend both my care for people in alienation, social isolation, and confusion and my desire to understand and help people. With minor in Communication Art and International Studies, I am thrilled by the amazing opportunities to make a positive impact on people, community, and the world. Combining all my interests and talents will enable me to add up to one outstanding social worker who speaks three different languages, draws and paints well, solves complex calculus problems for fun, and makes the world better in the future. It is the last page of the handbook, and I touched the side of the paper to finish my reading. I close my eyes and smile. I slip back to the front cover, and stare the word "unusual combination". Now, I know why my interests, talents, and passions are "unusual combination" and why it fit in Allegheny.
I think it fits the other prompt: Briefly describe your unusual combinations of interests and talents and how they will fit at Allegheny.
Shall I use this essay for "Why" or "my unusual combinations"? Please help me. My first language is not English, so I may have lots of grammar mistakes. HELP.
