Alleviating the pain of others; Boston College/ Future endeavors?

imbue 6 / 24

Dec 25, 2012 #1

St. Ignatius of Loyola, founder of the Society of Jesus, encouraged his followers to live their lives in the service of others. How do you plan to serve others in your future endeavors? (400 words or less)

I have always been interested in understanding and alleviating the pain that others are in. Over the years, this had led me to pursue internships in oncology laboratories, shadow dermatologists, and observe surgeries. For me, the journey I have taken so far in exploring the width and depth of the medical field is out of my interest to heal not the world, but individuals. To serve the people of the world is a huge task that comes to be completed one person at a time. When I interact with patients and their families, I feel a sense of belonging with them. Their determination and the pure pain that they must feel at times is something I can understand. In times of need, everyone needs a person to help guide him/her, and I want to be that physician who will help and ask their patients to persevere and fight through; to never give up.

There are numerous countries today that not only desperately need physicians, but want medical help from the United States. This is a problem that will continue to require attention. I want to be able to give immediate care and eventually, teach the people of those countries to be able to help themselves; to remain self sufficient.

However, this is a task that I cannot complete on my own. From Ryan Dunkelberg to Gilbert Connelly, the successful graduates of BU highlight the great history of its biology programs. Recent breakthroughs such as new discoveries of HIV activity markers and new research on malaria and toxoplasmosis show how innovative its programs are now. Boston College has an exceptional past and present, and I want to be part of its future. I hope that the programs at Boston College will embrace my passion in medicine and biology, and will help me fulfill my dream of making a difference in the lives of others.

My essay is only around 300 words so I definitely have room to add things. Please give me feedback on what you think I can change or fix, and do not be afraid to be blunt!

gmichski /

Dec 25, 2012 #2

It's a good essay that shows what you want to do at BC; however, I would work on a better hook. It doesn't start off very well. Maybe try to tell a story about one of your internships?

OP imbue 6 / 24

Dec 25, 2012 #3

I was just thinking that as I reread it, thank you!

xphyllisx 6 / 22

Dec 25, 2012 #4

I really like this essay! I'm actually working on the same supplement myself.
I just have a few suggestions:

There are numerous countries today that not only desperately need physicians, but want medical help from the United States. This is a problem that will continue to require attention. I want to be able to give immediate care and eventually, teach the people of those countries to be able to help themselves; to remain self sufficient.

I think this statement could definitely be elaborated more. You say you want to be able to give immediate care; however, I think a specific example of how you've already done so would be good to include. Or try to include a specific way you plan to do so.

I really like how you connected Boston College to your essay, but I think actually stating specific programs that Boston College does have would make you interest seem more genuine rather than generic. For example, my essay is about my service to children and Boston College actually has a program specifically geared towards helping them, so I'm sure with a little research you could find specific programs available at the college that you would like to participate in

Basically I'm just trying to say try to be more specific on how you plan on serving others. Being specific definitely makes you come across as a person who is serious when it comes to helping others :)