"Another Night on Facebook" - personal quality, talent, experience

UC Prompt #2 Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

After having read my English textbook for only five minutes, I already find a word I don't know and proceed to search for its definition online. Suddenly the page switches to Facebook, and thanks to this unusual and unprecedented happenstance, I decide to check for "five minutes." A half hour later, I find myself browsing my Friends list, full of more than just friends. The names of casual strangers, classmates for only a semester, and pleasant strangers greet my eyes. My mind wanders to the distant conversations and daily happenings with these "Friends," eventually latching upon the conflicts and regrets.

I mentally replay the misunderstandings and embarrassing situations, and begin to critique my very nature. To all the people I've ever hurt, annoyed, or ignored, I wish I could have apologized for my personality. I wish I could apologize for being who I am. I wish I didn't make mistakes. I wish I could be someone useful to the people around me. I wish I could be so independent that I'd never have to bother anyone. I wish I could be something great and strong and a good role model for the little kids out there, that I didn't do things that I regret and didn't voice the opinions of my often confused mind so much. I wish that I deserved everything that I have and deserved to know everyone that I've known.

Then my eyes find the name of one of my dearest friends. Someone who has been with me through thick and thin, and I realize I can't. I can't apologize for doing what I think is right, and I can't apologize for being who I am. Why? Because there's just no one else I can be. A lot about a person can change, but a lot of stuff ends up staying the same. And, I want to make sure the important things stay the same. I make mistakes today so that I'll get things right tomorrow. I want to keep talking in case I say something someone needs to hear. I'll keep getting carried away because that's how I'll get to where I want to go. I want to risk looking stupid so that someday, I'll be smart. I want to make enemies by being myself because that's also how I'll make friends. I want to do something and be someone who deserves all that I've been blessed with. Every error and mistake that I commit now will help me succeed and grow in the future.

After finding the definition and writing it down, I turn off the computer and return to my textbook. From a quick glance, my night might have been seen as another teenager procrastinating online. But to me, it was one of the most productive nights of my life.

This part is a fragment! To all the people I've pissed off or hurt or annoyed or ignored, I wish I could apologize for being who I am. Combining the two sentences would work but I think it differs from the effect that you are trying to create.

The whole essay of procrastination might give off a slightly negative vibe even thought I really liked what you did with it at the end! Personally, I liked your essay! :)

The essay certainly tells a story about you, but I feel like it might paint a more negative picture than what you are looking for. I like the essay in general, but I believe you might get more attention if you lighten it up a little.

a word



I would just tweak a few sentences,but this readers shows you've made mistakes and are learning from them. It shows colleges that when lets say you fail that calculus test ,you'll learn from your mistakes and succeed in the future.

Alright, here is my second draft of this essay, feel free to critique!

Hi.

You essay is both creative and really meaningful. I never knew that a night sitting in front of the computer can change your perspective to the world! If it was me I would probably just be playing computer games and call it a day...

However, some part of the essay may be a little bit hard to understand:


You seemed to have started blaming yourself for no apparent reason and you did not provide any explanation later on in the passage either. This whole thing makes me feel that you are just too hard on yourself and sometimes it may just turn off the reader. What I would would like to see is something about your past, something that you have done to 'deserve' the blame. Some evidence will make the essay not only clearer to read, but also gives insight to your personality. It will allow the reader to know your better before making the decision of your life!

G L~