I need serious help with my self-introduction essay. I had a written piece but I was sudddenly not satisfied with it.
the new one I wrote is kind of inadequate, so I want to ask if ANYONE can understand what I am trying to convey.
If not, then I may have to rewrite it. so, here goes.
Optional short essay (approximately 150 words): introduce yourself. Our aim is to better understand how your identity, talents, and background guide your day-to-day experiences.
My teacher once told me an "Ant Theory". Scientists found that in a swarm of ants, 25% were the diligent ones, 25% were the idle ones, and the others were in between. But when the top 25% of the hard-working ants are gathered together from different swarms, they form the same distribution of the 25-50-25 law. Despite their diligence in their former environment, some excel, while some worsen.
I strive to always be in the top 25% of the ants, and I know that only through perseverance can this ambition be achieved. I am proud of crashing down, proud of struggling, and proud of fighting the battle that no one thinks I can win, because I know that my indomitable attitude is the best weapon I can equip myself with. Although I know that some efforts are eventually in vain, I always bear in mind my favorite words from the movie 'Three Idiots': Chase excellence, and success will follow!
okay, and then my why penn essay is not looking so good either
my biggest worry is that I may be too general, does this look like a bad start already?
My dream has always been to step into the international world, and I assume it is because of the two years I have spent in Virginia during my childhood. The experience triggered my strong desire to reach out to the world, and Penn seems to be the perfect fit for me. I am convinced that Penn's expansive view and abundance of obtainable resources will cultivate my global perspective.
(p.s. I'm an international student)
I know the writings I put up here is not good, and PLEASE feel free to criticize it.
I really need the help, and thanks in advance!!
the new one I wrote is kind of inadequate, so I want to ask if ANYONE can understand what I am trying to convey.
If not, then I may have to rewrite it. so, here goes.
Optional short essay (approximately 150 words): introduce yourself. Our aim is to better understand how your identity, talents, and background guide your day-to-day experiences.
My teacher once told me an "Ant Theory". Scientists found that in a swarm of ants, 25% were the diligent ones, 25% were the idle ones, and the others were in between. But when the top 25% of the hard-working ants are gathered together from different swarms, they form the same distribution of the 25-50-25 law. Despite their diligence in their former environment, some excel, while some worsen.
I strive to always be in the top 25% of the ants, and I know that only through perseverance can this ambition be achieved. I am proud of crashing down, proud of struggling, and proud of fighting the battle that no one thinks I can win, because I know that my indomitable attitude is the best weapon I can equip myself with. Although I know that some efforts are eventually in vain, I always bear in mind my favorite words from the movie 'Three Idiots': Chase excellence, and success will follow!
okay, and then my why penn essay is not looking so good either
my biggest worry is that I may be too general, does this look like a bad start already?
My dream has always been to step into the international world, and I assume it is because of the two years I have spent in Virginia during my childhood. The experience triggered my strong desire to reach out to the world, and Penn seems to be the perfect fit for me. I am convinced that Penn's expansive view and abundance of obtainable resources will cultivate my global perspective.
(p.s. I'm an international student)
I know the writings I put up here is not good, and PLEASE feel free to criticize it.
I really need the help, and thanks in advance!!
