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'Anxious to start taking classes after moving to USA' - COLLEGE ESSAY



loreal 3 / 5  
Oct 23, 2012   #1
i wrote another essay. please read it and tell me if its good. if any corrections or any changes you want me to make, do let me know.

PLEASE HELP THANK YOU !!

I had no clue, how such a small event of my childhood would end up building my interest in engineering. Once while traveling, our car broke down in the middle of the road and you could literally see smoke coming out of it. I was scared but then I saw my dad fix it just in a couple of minutes. He used tools that I had never seen before, which caught my attention. I was amused by every single thing I saw inside a cars bonnet. I wondered how was my dad even able to recognize what was wrong with the car in between those big pieces of metal. From then on, whenever one of my toys broke, I would sit on the couch and take it apart instead of throwing it out. I sometimes sat for hours, marveling at how the toy worked and was designed and how it can be improved. By looking at different toys, I observed how the same idea can be interpreted and executed differently by different engineers.

As I grew older, I pursued my interest in cars, looking at different engines and even taking some apart. I would often ask my father why some components are designed differently, and we would talk for hours about the function of the different components. After these debates, I would often be left with the smile on my face.

After moving to USA, I was very anxious to start taking classes at my new school because the school system here was extremely different than I used to be in. 9th grade was my first year in USA, in which I encountered many problems like fitting in. People laughed at the way I dressed, my way of talking, the way I looked, my hair and even got bullied. This brought me down but I never gave up. Giving up was never an option for me so I continued to work hard which paid off as months passed. By 10th grade, I had an avg. of 85+ and was taking part in several extra-curricular activities.

That wasn't all the problems I faced, my inspiration, the person I looked up to, my dad decided to go back to our country and leave us. I broke down, and stayed like that for a few months until I realized I wouldn't let anything stop me from achieving my goal, I stood back on my feet and continued to work hard. My dad being there for me as a child gave me my inspiration, and from his leaving I gained more confidence and qualities of a leader.

Facing obstacles in life, I always kept one thing in mind, "Never give up", which I shall continue to do in University of Florida as well as engaging myself in becoming an important part of UF family.

Enabledowner 4 / 14  
Oct 23, 2012   #2
In retrospect, there was no way I could've known that such an insignificant event would lead to my passion for engineering. My dad was driving down a road in ( insert city), when our car broke down in the middle of the road, smoke wafting from the engine. I was frightened (why?), but my dad got out to fix the car, and, not five minutes later,. we were driving back down the road. While he was repairing the (engine?) I watched him, fascinated. The tools he used were alien, like nothing I'd ever seen before. I was astounded at my dad's technical knowledge, how he knew exactly which screw to tighten, or which part to replace. I began to emulate my dad. I examined my broken toys, taking them apart and examining the guts of the machinery. I sometimes sat for hours, mesmerized by the intricacy of the design, and brainstorming ways to improve upon it. I soon realized that engineering in any form required very similar modes of thought and execution.

This is my take on your first paragraph. However, it's worth looking at what I wrote and trying to reword it in your own voice, noting the stylistic and grammatical changes I made. Then, see if you can apply these changes to the rest of your essay! Good luck!
OP loreal 3 / 5  
Oct 24, 2012   #3
Thank you! my writing skills aernt that great but ill try. :)
kamranmangi41 1 / 3  
Oct 24, 2012   #4
the school systemhere was, in my opinion that no need to use here


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