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UC app: describe the world you come from "Dr. Grandma"


radkate 4 / 8  
Oct 11, 2010   #1
So I just wrote this. Don't be afraid to be harsh if it doesn't flow or make sense. Try not to get hung up on grammar issues, I'm really looking for feedback about content.

I come from the world of sandy hands and salty hair, where the beach is never far away, and summer seems like it can never come fast enough. During the long summer days of my childhood, I spent my mornings at the beach with my grandpa. He taught us how to surf, bodysurf, hunt for sand crabs, and enjoy the good fortune we had to live in Southern California. Every morning, when the beach was still socked in with the morning fog, and we had the beach to ourselves, we went with Grandpa. And by the end of our trip, when the sun had finally come out and our swimsuits were filled with sand, and when our eyelashes and eyebrows coated in salt, we would go home.

Once there, we would clean up and then go out to the living room where Grandma had lunch ready. With our Grandma on break from her work as a medical editor, we ate lunch, and watched television. But we were not watching Blue's Clues as most kids our age would. We were watching childbirth being prepared for, surgeries being performed, and medical rarities being explained. Our channel of choice was TLC where we could learn something new every day. It is called The Learning Channel, after all. And we loved it.

From an early age, Grandma instilled in me an insatiable desire for knowledge of any kind. She is a wealth of wisdom in our family, called Dr. Grandma for her medical knowledge and considered an encyclopedia for anything else. Whenever I see her, which is nearly every day, she has some new piece of information for me, a piece of knowledge that she wants to pass on so that I too can learn. Because of her influence, I have always been driven, both to get good grades and to actually learn things. I never fear an opportunity to learn more, I can't get enough, which is why my interest in both Spanish and Medicine is so strong. Language, to me, is a seemingly endless basin of knowledge and culture that I want to know intimately and to be able to use. I love Spanish, and almost equally, I love learning Spanish. The Medicine comes naturally too. I was, after all, watching the Discovery Health Channel so early on that I knew about more illnesses than I would ever be able contract on the playground.

I come from a world that encourages success, but even more than that encourages knowledge. I want to learn, and grow as a person, and be able to tell my grandchildren what is ailing them, and what the names of streets mean in English. I want to be Dr. Grandma.
sdinnu 2 / 5  
Oct 12, 2010   #2
to surf, bodysurf, hunt for sand crabs,

dont state both surfing and body surfing, although different, it sounds repetitive

I want to learn, and grow as a person

kinda cliche

overall, i like the essay content, it shows about ur history and how you grew up to be who you are. however, i feel like the first paragraph is not vital to the essay and kind of confused me between GRANDPA and GRANDMA. i also wish you mentioned more specific examples about your passion for learning.

hope this helped
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Oct 15, 2010   #3
This is great! I have a good idea, though. Add a sentence to the end of every paragraph except for the 2nd one.

To the other paragraphs, add a sentence on the end that gives your reflection on the significance of what you have told in the paragraph.

Really enjoy doing this reflection on the world you come from! When you add these 3 sentences, let them reflect the life lessons and the ways this world you come from influences your ideas about what your career will be.


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