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Astronauts and Planets - Common APP Writing section |Prompt 6|

PROFsabi 2 / 1  
Jul 8, 2018   #1
Okay so here is my common app essay on the Prompt 6, if you like or do not like please say, be blunt in insulting as I wish to extract the best essay out of my brain.

Prompt ::: Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want to learn more?

My Essay

The mystery of cosmos

What is the secret of the Cosmos? Why we are here? Why only the Pale blue dot has life? How tiny lifeless quarks, create atoms which combine to form living human beings and other species? How small we are compared to the whole cosmos and whats that equation that is the code for this Grand programmed Cosmos? These are some of the quenchers for my thirst in the area of Space and Exploration.

A childhood dream of becoming an Astronaut, to reach the ISS, well in my childhood age I only knew about the ISS, once crushed by the society near me, has once again been awakened by books and films. It pokes my mind all the times that, the Big Bang that happened 13.7 billion years ago created all the matter and energy that forms the present universe. We know that Hydrogen was the first and only element to be formed, and stars were formed out of it. These big stars created the higher elements in their super duper hot nuclear reactors which we find today in out bones and body as Calcium and Carbon. Isn't that amazing? Looking at my hand and thinking that it was formed inside a big bright star? Its just fascinating to think, how we all are connected to each other, and, we all to the Cosmos, it makes the mind peaceful when you return home after a busy day.

This concept is so vast that it needs a lot and lot of dreaming and imagination, to know why you too are reading this essay? Is anybody controlling you or did anyone controlled me when I was writing the essay like we control the Sims? Who knows perhaps yes? perhaps no.

I love reading books on Space and Astrophysics in my lease time such as, on the train and in the school car. Every time a book is completed I feel great to have such beautiful facts about our Cosmos. To speak specifically, I love reading books on rockets too, can be confusing to choose between the two : Astronautics or Astrophysics.

After going through countdowns and watching a lot of rocket launches, I thought of building a rocket by myself, I didn't knew about sugar powered rockets then. After I came to know about the Sugar Rocket (powered by R-Candy) I fought, yeah literally fought to built it. India is a place where you get Potassium Nitrate only in laboratories and at a very high cost in the plant shop. My Mom and Dad clearly said no a thousand times as they believed that I would burn my hands and face in an accident with the rocket. Somehow, I made them believe that there won't be any problem and launched bought an container. Till now I tested two rocket motors, sadly both of them were a flop. So, I thought I need more knowledge and hence wandering on the internet I found edX, MITOCW, Coursera and great sites to learn rocket science. They truly helped me fill my gap of knowledge for rockets and also various topics. I wish to launch another sugar rocket soon.

Till know all the books I have read, have changed my views on how I saw things before. After going through these deep ideas, my eyes views things as nothing but a group of subatomic particles. The thing that saddens me is some of the greatest problems we face, one of them is war. Lets have a world where we do not have weapons, where we do not have Egoistic leaders for whom their whole country suffers. Even one of the greater problem is poverty and the ever demand of energy especially green energy. Using the Space's lush and rich resources we can easily feed ourselves without harming our own Earth for example using Asteroid mining and Solar Energy. Atlast, we all are here alone on this Planet.

Holt - / 7,529 2001  
Jul 9, 2018   #2
Sayan, common app essays cannot be more than 650 words long. You have 655 words so that means if you try to submit this essay electronically, you will not be able to complete the process. You will need to edit the essay in order to come in below the maximum or at the maximum word count. Having reviewed your essay though, I can tell you that there is a lot of work to be done before it can be finalized in content, and that, is a good thing because you will have a chance to lower your word count to a more acceptable level.

Your essay doesn't really respond well to the prompt. You have both relevant and irrelevant discussions in the essay. If you remove the irrelevant parts and keep only the relevant paragraphs, you will be able to either revise the essay to become far more prompt responsive or, you can use the existing paragraphs, give it a little clean up, then submit those paragraphs as your final essay.

In case you are wondering, I believe that the usable paragraphs in this essay are paragraph numbers 1,4, and 5. These are the paragraphs that I feel best reflect the required elements of the prompt that you can work with to further expand the discussion, in line with the prompt requirements. You can use these paragraphs as the basis of the revised and improved essay or, you can use the themes from the paragraphs to write a new essay. The choice is actually yours. Just remember to keep it under 650 words.

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