My name is Ricky Wilson, I am a Junior applying to the Naval Academy. This is my Naval Academy Essay which is required for USNA and my congressman. The question is why I want to attend the Naval Academy. Has to be 500 words or less. I have 488.
Since I was young I have felt the overwhelming urge to serve. I come from a family dedicated to serve our nation; my late grandfather proudly served thirty years in the U.S. Navy and my father has served thirty-two years in law enforcement. Ronald Reagan said it best, "freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same." I feel that I need to do my part in protecting America and her interests around the world.
I was in my sixth grade career guidance class when I really set my life goal. My teacher asked me the age old question,"what do you want to be when you grow up?" Without hesitation I replied, "a United States Marine Corps Officer whom graduated from the United States Naval Academy." She then said with a laugh, "The Naval Academy? Lets pick a more realistic dream." After that I knew without a doubt, this would be my vocation.
I switched schools when I was in the ninth grade to join my rival school's JROTC program to pursue my Naval Academy future. There I fell in love with the discipline, honor, integrity, courage, commitment, and respect that the program provided. Also that same year the school board was looking to cut programs due to a shortage in the budget. I was the only cadet that attended this meeting where I passionately spoke about my program and aspirations. They decided to turn it over to the Board of Supervisors. My actions were documented in the local newspapers and I was able to convince others to join me. Together the whole battalion attended the next meeting. After that meeting the Board decided to fund our program for now and the future. I have always been recognized as a leader in all my endeavors. More importantly this taught me the power of teamwork and unity.
Why I will attend the Naval Academy could best be summed up in one word, desire. A burning desire to defend my family, my country, my home. When my grandfather passed away I had the honor of presenting his flag to my grandmother at his funeral. That is when I was able to recognize the connection of a warrior's family and their country. So many men and women have sacrificed everything so that our country can prosper and grow like no other.
I believe in having a sound mind and body which the academy demands, just like their honor concept: I do not lie, cheat or steal, nor tolerate those that do. Integrity is at the core of all midshipmen along with self sacrifice. Everyday is a personal challenge, to have a true commitment to excellence in everything I do. I too will prove worthy of America's investment during my service.
"a United States Marine Corps Officer
graduated from the United States Naval Academy."
I switched schools when I was in the ninth grade to join my rival school's JROTC program to pursue my Naval Academy
There I fell in love with the discipline, honor, integrity, courage, commitment, and respect that the program provided.I was fascinated by the discipline,honor, integrity, courage, commitment, and respect that this program provided.
Also that same year the school board was looking to cut programs due to a shortage in the budget.
This sentence tends to break your flow. I feel it should have come earlier in this para.
Here are four ways to improve your essay:
-Transitions - Your essay is lacking sufficient transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Add some!
-Grammar - You've misplaced a few commas, and "lets" should be "let's" (contraction of "let us"). Fix these.
-Sentence Structure - Your essay's sentence structure is relatively weak. Mix things up by adding some semi-colons, colons, and conjunctions.
-Verbs - Strong verbs empower an essay; weak verbs make essays boring. (Look at the previous sentence: the first half uses a powerful verb, "empower," while the latter half uses "make," a relatively weak verb.) Remove the "it is" and "they are"s, and fill your essay with meaningful verbs.