Can anyone please review my essays, I am a terrible writer. Positive feedback would be much appreciated.
I prefer to attend NYU New York, because I love New York, I love the plethora of cultures there and the exciting people that are found there. I was also born in New York and I have family living close by. Whenever I will need a hug or moral support my family will be there to help me and give me advice. I would feel more secure in myself It's not that I do not appreciate change but my heart is in New York. My aunt, Marie France Petion, also works at NYU New York and I guess that this is a bonus; she will help me choose what classes will best match my interests.
It is quite good, but you failed to answer the question. You stated why you would live in New York, but you didn't talk about what NYU means to and would do for you or why you would like to study at this specific school.
I have to agree with brazilian01 in saying you didn't actually answer the question. You certainly have a good start and I particularly like the part about having a solid support network readily available to you in the form of your immediate and extended family. That gives you an advantage over other students who will have to do without the support of readily accessible loved ones during a stressful and demanding time in their lives. That detail tells me that offering you a seat at my school as opposed to giving it to another student, is a more secure risk for me to take; you have a higher chance of graduating on time and doing well in classes.
Do make sure you go back and answer the main question, though: where are your academic interests and how will you explore them at NYU? I certainly didn't know what I wanted to do as a freshman in college, but the question takes that into account and gives you a little bit of leeway. Write about what topics interest you. Go through the course catalog and look at class listings under each of the different colleges. I know that many of the Archaeology, Anthropology, and even Philosophy classes can have really engaging descriptions that make you want to take that course. Unless you know exactly what you want to do career-wise, discuss what piques your interest. Do you have any vague ideas about what you'd like to accomplish during and after college? Maybe start your own business some day? There are many classes that NYU offers that will be vital to helping you achieve that goal if that's one of your dreams (think accounting, business, and even psychology classes). These are just a couple of ideas. Have some fun with it and let your imagination take you away to 5 years down the road.
Thank you very much! I did feel that this was missing something.
Thank you, your comment was really detailed and helped me find what was missing in my essay. Thanks again!
Just as Karmie said, I think you should be as specific as you can when you discuss your future academics in NYU. Look through their website and talk about their programs and why they interest you. Do a little bit of research on their academics (only takes a few minutes). You don't need to talk about only one area of studies, but a few others.
But having personal reasons for being interested in NYU is a good aspect.
TO ANYONE READING THIS I APOLOGIZE THIS IS THE WRONG TOPIC FOR THE WRONG ESSAY...SORRY