'awards and accomplishments' - UPenn - Professor of Interest

Hello Everyone. I am applying to UPenn (like a lot of people here) and I just wanted to here some voices other than my own.

Penn offers its undergraduates an eminent faculty and a wealth of research opportunities. Use the space below to name a Penn professor with whom you would like to study or conduct research and explain why. (It is not our expectation that you contact faculty directly to answer this question.)Please answer in the space provided. (1000 characters)

At UPenn, there are a lot of highly qualified professors from whom I look forward to learning. After some research, the professor that stood out to me the most was Dr. Edward Mansfield. I feel that he and I would have a beneficial teacher-pupil relationship because of our parallel interests of study. I believe I can benefit from his vast knowledge and he from the avid attention of an enthusiastic learner. With the worldwide economy in a quagmire, we the people, of not only the U.S., but the whole world, need qualified politicians and economists. Dr. Mansfield's extensive list of awards and accomplishments, as well as his outstanding history, leads me to believe that he is one of the best in his field and that he can help me become an effectual and qualified leader that we sorely need. The longevity of his presence at UPenn for his Bachelor's, Master's, and Doctorate Degrees also tells me that he is an experienced UPenn faculty member that will be a mentor that I can easily approach.

At UPenn, there are a lot of (excellent) professors that I look forward to learning from. (After some research, the professor that stood out to me the most was) Dr. Edward Mansfield. (I feel that he and) I will have a beneficial teacher-pupil relationship because of our parallel interests of study. I believe I can benefit from his vast knowledge and he (from the avid? attention of) an enthusiastic learner.

Thanks Alice, great revisions. I have some more for you if you don' t mind.

Sorry I just realized that I didn't write any feedback, just made some changes.

I think what you wrote is great. It sounds very put together and convincing. If I were you, I would go through it again and maybe replace some words, like consistent. It just sounds a little bit awkward, don't you think?

Seriously, nice job. I looked at UPenn supp over the summer, saw this, and decided, I'm not applying. haha, of course there were other reasons, but this is such a difficult topic to write about and I felt you did a great job.

Thank you, your remarks are flattering. I spent a bit of time on just reading the professors resume which is amazing (Harvard, UPenn...). This guy never wanted to leave school. :P I hope that you get into a University that suits you. Consistent, what was I thinking? I think I meant "The longevity of his presence," but I have to think on it a little more.