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Looking back who I was and who I am today makes me see how much I had changed - 'why NYU?'



mjhito 2 / 1  
Dec 23, 2014   #1
can you help me to make my essay shorter and also correct any grammar error. feel free to give your opinion
Prompt: NYU is global, urban, inspired, smart, connected, and bold. What can NYU offer you, and what can you offer NYU? (200-400 words)
Coming to the U.S four years ago help to have a new perspective of the world. It helped me to see that the world wasn't the way though it was back when I was living in my country there was so much more that could have never see if I would never have come. NYU is the perfect places to meet connect with people from different backgrounds. It's the place where people from all over the world join and work together for just one goal, to make a difference in the world. Their global community is full of unique people unafraid to share their particular perspectives of the world would help me to develop my own unique perspective that would eventually help me to distinguish among other engineers. NYU liberal curriculum will allow me to focus in my major while developing my interest in foreign languages. Attending to a high school as diverse as my made me to discover my interest for foreign cultures and languages, the Core program will allow me to pursue a minor in a foreign language while pursuing a major in engineering. The curriculum will also help to discover new interest by taking courses that will make explore different subjects and will give an open mind of the world. The global academic centers will give the opportunity to spend my first or second year at NYU studying in another country while immersing in the live and culture of the country. Being located in the New York, NYU can offer me the opportunity of having the city as my classroom.

Looking back who I was and who I am today makes me see how much I had changed. I am not the shy girl who had a hard time making friends and was afraid of speaking her mind. Moving to the U.S helped me to discover myself and show me the things I am capable of doing with effort and determination. I am excited of bringing my ideas to a community where I can truly be myself. Living in Peru for the most part of my and experiencing in firsthand what is like to be poor life taught me to appreciate the things I have. I hope to use my background and personal experience to help others and contribute with NYU diversity by bringing a part of my country and its culture. I truly believe that NYU is the perfect place to discover myself and the place where I would learn to use my knowledge to help others.

Ruxi 3 / 5  
Dec 23, 2014   #2
Coming to the U.S four years ago changed my perspective of the world. It helped me to see that the world wasn't the way I thought it was back when I was living in my country.there was so much more that could have never see if I would never have come. NYU is the perfect places to meet connect with people from different backgrounds. It's the place where people from all over the world join and work together for just one goal; to make a difference in the world. Their (who's global community?? ) global community is full of unique people unafraid to share their particular perspectives of the world would help me to develop my own unique perspective that would eventually help me to distinguish among other engineers. (<- run on sentence ) The NYU liberal curriculum will allow me to focus in my major while developing my interest in foreign languages. Attending to a high school as diverse as my made me to discover my interest for foreign cultures and languages. the Core program will allow me to pursue a minor in a foreign language while pursuing a major in engineering. The curriculum will also help to discover new interest by taking courses that will make explore different subjects and will give an open mind of the world. The global academic centers will give the opportunity to spend my first or second year at NYU studying in another country while immersing in the live and culture of the country. Being located in the New York, NYU can offer me the opportunity of having the city as my classroom.

Looking back on who I was and who I am today makes me see how much I had changed. I am not the shy girl who had a hard time making friends and was afraid of speaking her mind. Moving to the U.S helped me to discover myself and show me the things I am capable of doing with effort and determination. I am excited of bringing my ideas to a community where I can truly be myself. Living in Peru for the most part of my (of your what? ) and experiencing in firsthand what is like to be poor life taught me to appreciate the things I have. I hope to use my background and personal experience to help others and contribute to NYU diversity by bringing a part of my country and its culture. I truly believe that NYU is the perfect place to discover myself and the place where I would learn to use my knowledge to help others.

red = edits I made
blue = unclear


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