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Barnard Supplements - my need to be in an empowering, tight knit community of ambitious women


agoldie 3 / 5 2  
Dec 31, 2016   #1
Barnard Supplements- too vague? too repetitive?

A. What factors influenced your decision to apply to Barnard College and why do you think the College would be a good match for you? (100-250 words)

Barnard satisfies my needs



My high school experience has taught me to value individualized study and personal relationships with teachers, as well as the intellectual liberation ardent interaction with my classmates can grant. I seek a college experience that gives me a chance to not just let my voice be heard, but to learn from the voices of distinct peers.

I have perused the Barnard website, first falling in love with the Nine Ways of Knowing, then with Foundations. I love the collective growth found in a structured, rigorous curriculum. I seek an education that is given by experts, through a breadth-y and depth-y study. I seek an education that empowers me to become my best self.

I cannot envision myself in a large city without a beacon of 'Home'. But I cannot envision myself anywhere but a city- one that never sleeps; one that is constantly hustling and moving; one that is saturated with diversity, exploration (urban, self, etc.), and constant growth (architectural, personal, communal, etc.).

It is essential to be in a liberal arts college. I seek an enriching experience, focused on social involvement and taking action to make positive changes- whether it be through volunteer tutoring, teaching ballroom at a retirement home, or interning with a senator.

Barnard satisfies my need to be in an empowering, tight knit community of ambitious women; a yearning for the capital of the world; and an emphasis on liberal arts and global impact.

rnsnz18 10 / 33 4  
Dec 31, 2016   #2
@agoldie
You write pretty good, but the content of your essay miss some important things. First, the prompt says why Barnard would be a good match for you, and you just focused on the things you like about them, but you have to say also experiences about yourself that shows why are you interested on them, they now how good they are, you need to tell them how good YOU are, and tie those things with specific things offered at Barnard . You mentioned some good things about them that show your interest, but please cut the third essay, you just talked about the environemnt of the city, which you can encounter in many other cities. You should focus on the unique things that Barnard has and that you couldn' encounter in any other College.
Holt [Contributor] - / 8,193 2317  
Jan 1, 2017   #3
Anna, this essay sounds more like an outline draft than an actual response to the prompt. You must refrain from using parenthesis with additional information and most specially, avoid using "etc." in any given paragraph. That is a clear sign of lack of professional writing experience and a haphazard writing style. The writer is obviously not focused on truly developing the discussion provided because the short cut term for "and so on and so forth" is constantly used in the response. Admissions officers may view your response as rude and offensive because of it.

Do not discuss the city that Barnard is located in. That is clearly a prompt deviation because you are being requested to focus your essay response only on the university and the college of your choice. There is nothing in the prompt that allows you to discuss the location of the university and hence, it should not be mentioned in the essay at all. Focus on the prompt requirements alone. That shows a clear concentration on developing the proper response and also, an ability to follow given instructions. That ability, to do as you are told, is a very important character trait of a college student and should be reflected throughout all your essay discussions.


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