"Baseball is important to me" - Help with Occidental Supplement

The question is: what is a personal habit of yours and how does it help define you?

My essay:
Baseball is something that is very important to me, and I am always looking for ways to get better. That's why when I saw a pitching machine that throws small, foam baseballs, I decided I had to get it. I worked around my house and dug into my personal savings to pay for it. I set it up in my basement the day it came, and I now wake up at 6:30 every day before school to practice and get better for the season. It is hard for me t go to bed early, so I can wake up early. The basement is cold during Chicago winters, and the practice itself can be very frustrating at times. But I believe it helps me, so I do it.

What this means is that if there is something that I am passionate about, and that I truly enjoy, I will work hard to be successful in it, even if that means making sacrifices. And for me, that extra hour of sleep is no small sacrifice. But because I love the game of baseball, I am willing to put in extra time to succeed. This does not only apply to baseball, though. There are many other things in my life that I care about, and I have habits to prove it, but waking up early every morning to practice hitting is perfectly representative of the dedication that I capable of when I am both challenged by and interested in an activity. I think these types of habits will help me later in my life. Anyone can feign dedication to something while everyone is looking, but this is not really my goal. I am doing it because I care about getting better at baseball, and because I feel rewarded when I have gotten better, even if only by a little bit. I know I will not be a major league baseball player, but I still want to be as successful as I can possibly be, and that is why I have the habit of practicing batting early every morning.

One worry of mine is that I will sound like I'm bragging, I don't want it to come off that way, but tell if thats how it does come off.

Any other suggestions would also be greatly appreciated.

Hey, I did not get the impression you were bragging. I just was not sure you"hit the bat" with this example. The prompt asked for "a personal habit and how does it help define you"

Your first sentence starting with baseball did not really answer the "habit" question.


How about getting straight to the point with the habit you mention only at the very end: practicing batting early every morning. And then go back to how your passion for baseball defines who you are. It would help the reader to learn about what you have achieved from this habit (what "success in baseball?") - this wouldn't be considered bragging, just stating the facts. [

Why is "getting better" important to you? How were you "rewarded?"


All the stuff in the middle (what I consider narration) will then have a context and prioritized in order of importance. Suggest you establish the framework establishing the habit and importance of baseball, the fill in the rest of the "good habits" you cultivated as a result of passion for the sport (eg. saving money, waking up early, sacrificing sleep, making time for practice.) BTW - these are aspects that all athletes have to incorporate in their life if they want to make time for their sport of choice. Think of what makes you different?

This is a great essay... no, I agree with Linmark that there is nothing bragging about it...

And for me, that extra hour of sleep is no small sacrifice. ----- funny and cool.

But because I love the game of baseball, I am willing to put in extra time to succeed.---- This part is repetitive and unnecessary.

Try a semi-colon: This does not only apply to baseball, though; there are many other...--- wait a minute, don't say "there are many other"..

Instead, name those other things.

...baseball, though; there are many other things in my life that I care about, and I have habits to prove that I care about other things, such as __________, __________, and _________. For example, ___________________ are but waking up early every morning to practice hitting is perfectly representative of the dedication that I capable of when I am both challenged by and interested in an activity. I scratched out this past part because it was repetitive.

Use the end of the essay to talk about the college aspirations that you'll treat with the same dedication.

Big thanks to both of you, your help is much appreciated.