Baseball, MICHIGAN - COMMUNITY

Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it. (Approximately 250 words)

Highschool Baseball Team

Baseball is the ultimate team sport of individual performances. The thrill of smacking line drives, of tracking fly balls which nobody thought could be caught - these are all feelings of individual effort. Unlike other sports, your ability to score is not affected by the person passing you the ball. Opportunities in baseball are entirely your own. What then is the importance of team chemistry in a sport in which almost every play is dominated by individual performance?

I noticed a general trend in my high school team throughout our games: it seamed either as if everyone was hitting well or as if no one was hitting at all. At our best, we were like a well-oiled machine - our big hits always came in bunches. As the center-fielder, I have the opportunity to set a standard for my teammates. By making plays, I can inspire them. A diving catch, just as much as it stops a run, fills a team with adrenaline. Sensational play provides confidence and motivation.

On the other hand, we were knocked out of the state tournament by ten runs last year. Everyone quickly became demoralized. The pitcher was very hittable, but our confidence was nonexistent. With little success to visualize or upbeat play to inspire us, we faded noiselessly. There became nothing to play for.

Looking forward, I will be part of a team with 10 seniors. Most of us have played together for the last four years of high school.- some far more than that. Our success will not be so much a function of our individual talent, but more of how much inspiration we draw from each others' skills and abilities.

.I'm looking Critique on whether this answers the prompt of community or not. My parents told me it was well written, but that it was a vignette about individuals vs. the team and doesn't answer the prompt. Be Harsh please

I agree with your parents. I failed to learn about anything from this essay except for this one thing:


It seems like this is the overall lesson that you have learned from baseball and if it is, you need to make that more clear. If not, spend the latter part of your essay describing what you have learned from this community. Also, the first paragraph needs some reworking. I want to hear about the baseball community team, not the specifics on how to play. Your parents are correct in that the essay seems individual vs community and that's not the way it should.

Your passion is clear in this essay but you haven't written it down correctly yet.