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"Battling for Passion" - Evaluate an experience (Common app)



divina 3 / 4  
Dec 30, 2011   #1
Please, I really need your feedback! Harsh critique is welcomed. I'm an int'l student, so if there are any mistakes, or something just doesn't sound right, pls let me know. And also maybe you could suggest any better heading?

"You waste your time. It's useless. Quit. Concentrate on math instead" -"I don't quit, dad. And I hate math." He gives me that I-know-better-than-you kind of look, receiving in response the I-doubt-it one. This dialog will go on, since I'm not going to give up on my greatest obsession - learning languages.

Melodic Ukrainian, rich Russian, concise English, eloquent French, romantic Italian, passionate Spanish, sophisticated Latin - so different, yet so similar at times - are now a part of me. But it all started when I was three. My mom decided to refresh her English learned at school. Because of 25 years that passed since her graduation, I only could count up to 100 differently colored dogs, cats, and elephants. Although my mother did satisfy her hunger for teaching, my craving for knowledge had just began. Which eventually led me to polyglotism.

And now he wants me to quit?

No, my father never experienced the divine pleasure of reading Flaubert in French, understanding Beatles'songs, or distinguishing actors' intonations in "La Strada." He has no idea how much self-discipline and devotion I need to fill those few precious hours between homework and bedtime with studying Spanish subjunctive or memorizing a long list of Russian orthographic rules. He claims that fluency is unachievable without real communication not knowing how many hours I've spent discussing causes of modern political crisis or debating over a controversial social issue with... a mirror. He can't imagine the amount of diligence and aspiration I need to persevere through after tens of unsuccessful tries to grasp a difficult lexical or morphological concept. I've learned to work hard, concentrate and keep on going no matter what thank to my hobby.

And he says it's not beneficial enough?

My volunteering experience at International High School in the US proved that my efforts were not in vain. Refugees from all over the world who spoke no English would attend it. Having lived in poverty and suffering, they all had stories to be told. I conversed with children from Latin America, Africa, and Asia in their languages. I taught English to students who survived events I had only seen in nightmares. I inspired to work harder those, who had worked more than I ever had. As we read books, learned new words, created poems together, I felt like I was making a positive impact on their lives. As I saw the progress they made before my eyes and on report cards, I knew I was empowered to change things, even by doing so little. I grew along with my students, becoming more open-minded, global- and self-aware.

And he says my knowledge is inapplicable?

Every new word broadens my outlook, every new phrase deepens my knowledge of myself, every new language makes me a different person. l imbibe the wisdom, the way of thinking, the culture of a nation, leaving my prejudice behind. I change.

And he believes it's pointless? Well, I've got some reasons to disagree, haven't I?

TH

yuanyuan3045 6 / 23  
Dec 30, 2011   #2
all had stories to be told

all had stories to tell

Winning essay! Wow I really want to meet you, passion for languages = instant bond
I really like the way you weaved your dad's interjections throughout the essay, but it sounds like you and your dad have a tense relationship

maybe if you can, you can add your dad's approval at the end? I don't know how officers look at family feud
the essay is fine as it is, and your personality shows through
Good luck and I hope to meet you in the future
deremifri 9 / 135  
Dec 31, 2011   #3
Very strong essay, but don't you think that you should end your sentence stronger?
abck300 4 / 10  
Dec 31, 2011   #4
I think you should leave it as it is. It's an awesome essay and I love the format. Plus, I don't think the ending is weak. I'm sure your essay will stand out from other language-related essays. Great job !


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