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'Beauty' - Stanford What matters to you



cupnoodle123 15 / 42  
Dec 19, 2011   #1
Hi, please give me you guys' feedback on this essay...

Thanks in advance, everyone for your help!

What matters to you, and why?

Being a girl, I think it is inherent in me to love beauty. The topic of beauty has always attracted me. As with beautiful art, I am drawn to fine clothes, stylish hair, pretty appearances. At school I cannot ignore the looks, fashion and outward appearances all around me. Usually, the pretty girls win the praise of good-looking guys, and the other way around.

Yet I know I am not one of them. So I am out of that game by default. I could rage against the shallowness of outward beauty, but that would only reveal the deep regret that I cannot have it as well. I also wanted the comfort of having a pretty face and features to be confident about, whether at school or among strangers or in this society that valued good looks. It used to bother me greatly, as I would look in the mirror and wish for these eyes to be bigger and the neck to be thinner, and notice how my mild scoliosis kept my figure from being closer to ideal, in today's standards.

Yet when I gazed at the beautiful people, I sometimes saw a jarring contrast that diminished their outward beauty. I saw that many pretty people at school did not say or do pretty things, and were not pretty to be around. I saw starlets on television and magazine ads whose familiar gorgeous faces only reminded me of their obnoxious, crude, or proud characters. I look at my friends, and though they are not all beautiful, they are beautiful to be around. Then I read in the Bible how God did not look at what people looked at, for people judged through outward appearances, but God judged the heart, the inner person. I realized that true, unfading beauty comes with a good heart and only becomes more beautiful as a person ages, because of the additional wisdom she has gained through life experiences. It is the kind of beauty everyone was born to have, unlike outward looks which are set in at birth. I know now and am happy that I can still pursue beauty, genuine beauty, because I do not think I could ever stop caring about being beautiful.

tehfunkicookie 19 / 49  
Dec 19, 2011   #2
Hey cupnoodle123! I think it's a very enjoyable and fantastic essay to read. Your own thoughts and feelings about beauty and how you justify yourself as "out of the game" makes it really personal and original.

I just have a few minor corrections:
I saw that many pretty people at school did not say or do pretty things, and were not pretty to be around. I saw starlets on television and magazine ads whose familiar gorgeous faces only reminded me of their obnoxious, crude, or proud characters. . I think you can combine those two sentences because they start with "i saw". or try and make the beginning of the second sentence different than "I saw". because it seems kind of repetitive to repeat them.

pursue beauty, genuine beauty, just put genuine beauty.

Good luck

=)


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