"BEST BUDDIES", significant event in my life- college entrance essay

Describe a significant experience, achievement, or failure in your life and its effect on you. Required

One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood. This is the mission of Best Buddies. Best Buddies International is a nonprofit 501 organization. It consists of volunteers that create opportunities for one-to-one friendships, integrated employment and leadership development for people with intellectual and developmental disabilities. Being a member of this organization is an extremely humbling experience. To see that small actions have such meaningful results is empowering and sparked my passion for making these true friendships. The connections that I made with these individuals inspired them to conquer their adversity and become involved in the community. I aspire to make their high school career as normal and exciting as it can be. Diversity and individuality are things to be proud of, however discrimination must be eliminated. The friendships I have created allow me to understand the hardships these students go through every day.

We use the quote "I see you" as our motto. There is no better way to describe the relationships Best Buddies teaches you. As a member I treat everyone as an equal. I see their true personalities shine and am not distracted by the disability. This program has taught me to see the true value of each day and all the simple activities we take for granted. I appreciate these children and their bright attitudes causing realize all my troubles are minuet when put in comparison to their struggles. The fact that they still have such a positive outlook on the world and those surrounding them is inspirational and challenges me to make the most of my day. I am so thankful to have discovered this organization and all of the wonderful people who have influenced me to be a better person and leader.

Being a part of this organization has led to many significant events in my life. The one that has impacted me the most was my involvement in the Special Olympics. I had the opportunity to join the unified soccer team. This team was made up of a combination of those with special needs and those without. I have been playing soccer for most of my life, however participating in this event led me to learn so much about the sport and my own capabilities. Interacting with the buddies encouraged me to enjoy the time I had playing and to just enjoy myself. Those athlets came to practice everyday with a smile and ready to work. Observing their slill growing with every training session was inspirational. At the end of this competition I understood that these sports are for anyone, no matter the disability. As long as one is willing to contribute, work hard, and have a positive attitude, success is inevitable.

Excellent work! Your usage of sophisticated words is on par with other well-written papers!
But, it looks like you may be employing some over-used or distasteful phrases such as(sorted by most egregious first):

am, must be, me, go, make, see, small, most, things, you, better, take, use, we, everyone, are, is, so

Karina, while you present a good idea of the work that you do with Best Buddies, I am still unclear as to how your participation in the organization led to one of the more recent significant events in your life. Your statement presents only a generalized idea about the work of the organization and how you participated in it. While this provides an excellent overview of the mission of the organization, that is not what the essay requires from you. What we need to learn about is the significant event in your life that took place during your time working with the organization.

I suggest that you tell a story in relation to this significant event. Narrate the story of one of the more memorable kids in the group that you were able to help. Discuss the situation the child was in. Let us know how you connected with him and how you helped him overcome the problem he was involved in. Let us into your world as a volunteer friend. We need to know why this child and his situation stood out in particular for you. Describe how you were affected by the situation and how it has affected your development as a person. That will show us the importance and relevance of this event in your life.