'the best educational setting' - Emory University Supplement

Hi I'm in the process of writing the Emory supplement essay. This is what I have so far.
Prompt:1. Many students decide to apply to Emory University based on our size, location, reputation, and yes, the weather. Besides these valid reasons as a possible college choice, why is Emory University a particularly good match for you?

There is a 250 word limit.

I didn't consider Emory as a prospective school until I was narrowing down my list of colleges for the QuestBridge scholarship. At first I was reluctant to research the school because of its distant location from home, but eventually my curiosity coerced me into taking a peek. As I perused through reviews of the school on Unigo and scanned the opportunities available for students, I realized that Emory has the best educational setting that will help me develop into a well-rounded individual.

Emory's combination of a core academic curriculum and dedicated professors comprise the appropriate environment for developing new interests. While some students complain about Emory's general requirements, I find these classes to be essential for finalizing my decision for an intended major. The core classes will also allow me to broaden my knowledge as I study disciplines that differ in ideas and concentrations. Working with professors who have a passion for their field and care enough about their students to learn their names will allow me to receive the support I need to understand each discipline and to develop critical thinking skills in each one.

Emory's diverse student body draws me to the school because it will complete my college experience. Exposure to various backgrounds in a small community will contribute to my development into a well-rounded individual; my encounters with different beliefs and values will allow me to reflect on and modify my own and understand other cultures.

I hope to be an Emory Eagle next year.

^I can't imagine how professors who knew your name would help you recieve the support to develope critical thinking skills.

Your essay is too general.


^This is a problem and the indicator of a plain essay.

I think that you need to start with a different introduction.

Okay, the first paragraph does not really say anything -- just generalities. BUT the second paragraph starts off very strong. I suggest chopping that first paragraph and starting with the sentence that names the three points you are going to make: core curriculum helping you to choose a career path, dedicated professors, and diversity.

I suggest describing the professors in a more specific way. Name a few of them and their interests, accomplishments, etc., which make them ideal teachers with whom you can relate.

About the diversity, don't sound like a brochure. Do your career interests involve overcoming cultural barriers? If so, explain those specifics.

This kind of essay is easy to write -- powerfully -- if you really have a list of things about this school that excite you as a scholar. Without that list, you find yourself talking in generalities.

I hope that helps!!!

yea from my plain essay you can tell im not sure what to write about. my main reason for applying to the school is its diversity. it has an office of multicultural programs and services that promote acceptance of diversity. this is what i like most about the school, but i think that i will sound like a brochure if i state that. any suggestions?

I rewrote my supplement. Its 62 words over the limit. How can i narrow it down? Also, on my application I'm putting down Anthropology as an intended major. Should I discuss instead how I think that three aspects mentioned below will help me succeed in this major?

Emory's combination of a core academic curriculum, community service opportunities and a diverse student body comprise a suitable environment for my intellectual growth.

While some current students agonize over the course requirements, I view these classes as essential for finalizing my choice for an intended major. By taking the requirements in Math, Humanities, and the Sciences, I will discover which discipline intrigues me the most. This is not possible in other colleges because students are expected to come and focus solely on one major. In addition to choosing a career path, the core classes will help broaden my knowledge and develop critical thinking skills that I can apply to any major I choose.

Like the students who helped Emory win the Presidential Award for General Community Service, I value reaching out to others who are in need. I do this by mentoring elementary school children and traveling to Latin America to help communities with projects focused on sustainability. With Volunteer Emory's regional trips and service days, I hope to continue participating in similar projects. While I may not be able to end poverty or world hunger instantly, Volunteer Emory reminds me that I am capable of making small changes that can culminate into a big asset for many.

After growing up in a diverse city and traveling abroad, diversity in college is important to me, especially since I am considering Anthropology as a possible major. As an Emory student I hope to take advantage of the opportunities offered by the Office of Multicultural Programs and Services in order to cultivate my interest in other cultures that I have developed by traveling to Latin America and growing up in a Polish household.

I anticipate joining Emory's family of academically driven, diverse, community-serving individuals in Fall 2010. I know that becoming a member of this family will help me grow into a well-rounded individual.