"big passion about the finance." - admision essay for academic and career goals

It's about my academic and career goals can anyone look at it?

Making a big thing from a small thing. It was common thing of Warren Buffett and Jung Ju young, the people I respect the most. Warren Buffett started his investment with hundred dollar and Jung Ju Young started his business with little rice shop and now they are CEO and founder of international major firm. Greatly influenced by them, all my life since I was young, I decided that when I become old, I will be the person who can make a big thing from a small thing.

There are many careers I can put my life ideology into(making big thing from small thing). Of all career goals I have thought, I chose my career goal as a successful financial manager. Not only because I can have better chance to take shortcut leading wealthier life and better job opportunity. Before I tell you about the main reason I want to tell you how my father influenced me. My father is president of Special Members club(volunteer organization). My father deeply understand how it feel to be the person who need help, because he was poor. He could not finish his education and had to support his family by working in early age. By time he had enough money to support other people while supporting our family, he started the organization with his friends. Sometime he made me follow him and work with him in the organization. When I saw my father's face while he was working for people, he looked so happy. I wanted to feel that. That's why I chose my career goal as financial planner.

Moreover I have big passion about the finance. I love watching how money is flowing over the world and the way things effect international financial market. Also analyzing stock market and companies excites me.

I know that process to become financial planner is really difficult. However, I know that I can take all the difficulties and will be the best. Also I know that I chose my first step as starting at Bellevue college is the best choice.

Can you give an example of how you achieved an academic goal? Your essay mainly focuses on your career goal (as a financial planner.) Have you any past academic achievement in finance? Besides being inspired by Buffet, Young and your father, what other factors should the admissions committee take into account when considering your application. How have you performed and achieved, or how can you demonstrate that you will succeed academically at Bellevue?

Thanks, Linmark, for helping me make sure everyone has responses to their essays! If you use checker, you'll see that we have a lot of these lately!

Hi, lje51etc., this essay is powerful because of your excellent theme... I'm impressed. The intro has a little problem that I can fix, though:

Making a big thing from a small thing. It was common thing of Warren Buffett and Jung Ju young, the people I respect the most.

To make a big thing from a small thing -- this was a common ability shared by Warren Buffett and Jung Ju young, the people I respect the most.

(I think this makes it better, but maybe it is not your style. It's up to you.)

Also I know that I chose my first step as starting at Bellevue college is the best choice. Also, I know that I taking the next step at Bellevue college is the best choice, because ____________________________.

:-)