7 billion individuals. What goes Unnoticed in My Life and Why It's Important to Me

Hello! Among many, I am looking to apply to the University of Wisconsin Madison and this is the prompt I am writing my response to:

1.) Consider something in your life you think goes unnoticed and write about why it's important to you.

Here is my essay. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. l'm looking to stay within a 500 word min. and am looking to include another point to be made within my essay:

Human and social interaction

There are 7 billion people living on this earth. Though it's unlikely to meet every individual who is apart of this continually growing population, we as humans hardly take the time to even recognize some of the individuals within our own community. My hometown of Grafton, Wisconsin holds well over 11,000 people. While I am able to recognize a regular customer within my workplace, or acknowledge a walking bystander on the street, in reality I know nothing about them. Everyone has their own stories, talents, and ambitions just as I do, and whether they are going through a tough time or the best time of their life, it's vital that we feel comfortable enough to discuss more than just a simple "hello" or "good morning." Based on morals that I've grown up with, as well as new opinions I've formed through adolescence, I personally believe that getting to know someone more in depth is the best thing you can do for yourself, and for another person.

Human and social interaction is the essence of how we as a society, function and continuously grow. Without it, we'd be close minded individuals living within our own world. I feel as though that's the shift that society and newer generations are being pushed towards. Many turn a blind eye to face-to-face contact, because the culture has grown so adept to communication through technology. Many accept the fact that people are strangers and they should remain that way, and the close mindedness possessed can prevent numerous new experiences and opportunities to advance lives. I can be at the store, and see people purposely avoid eye contact with another shopper, and that saddens me that through the generations, we've become so introverted. I understand that it's easier for someone to remain silent within their tasks, but speaking out and allowing people to approach you leads to so much more for everyone

Here is my feedback:

I will strengthen this by citing a example. For example, we should be proponents of a certain cause but we hardly do that. we should be doing charity but we get entangles in our own responsibilities etc.

Hope this helps!

Tara, the topic that you chose to discuss is interesting, but turned out to be too broad in scope of discussion. You tried to take on the whole world when the essay only wants you to concentrate on something related to you. It should definitely be unique, interesting, and relevant, but only to you as a person. Not to the whole world. Having said that, the whole essay is not lost. You won't need to write a totally new essay from scratch. You can use the first paragraph as the basis of your essay. Talk about your community, your hometown, and something that all of you do not notice about your town, but that you notice. It is that simple. It could be something a simple as the flowers you have in your yard, or, as you said, the fact that you don't really know your neighbors. If you opt for the latter part, you can build upon it by discussing how you learn about your neighbors through their interaction with you at say, the place where you work part time, which is frequented by neighbors who often discuss their lives amongst themselves but within your hearing distance. That is one way of approaching this essay in a more relevant manner.