Biological science - University of Michigan LSA short statement

[E] College of Literature, Science, and the Arts (LSA)What led you to choose the area(s) of academic interest that you have listed in your application to the University of Michigan? If you are undecided, what areas are you most interested in, and why?

Biological science is not an area of mere interest for me - it is a passion. The memory of my first encounter with the subject is crystal clear. Boredom led me one cold day to my grandfather's old bookcase, and I started glancing through its contents.

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(263 words)

opinions?

Not a great opening. Too common, and this should be shown through your essay rather than told.


You can cut this and go straight into the narrative.


Better, because more specific than your previous sentences. If it were even more specific, it would be better still. What about the book entranced you? At seven, it seems unlikely that dense descriptions of the human body would do the trick. Were there pictures? Was a particular section of the book of interest? Etc.


Ow. Okay, if you are going to mention this, then you need to make it clear that you absolutely do not believe in Creationism, and have rejected those teachings. If you haven't, and aren't prepared to lie about it, then don't raise the issue at all. Religion is a dangerous topic to raise in an application essay at the best of times, and this particular aspect of the topic, treated in any other way than the one I have described, is likely to get your application thrown in the trash bin faster than you can say "Let there be light." Being a creationist and being a serious academic in any field related to biology is an oxymoron. It's sort of like someone who doesn't believe in the atomic theory of matter trying to become a chemist.


I like this part. You have specific questions you want to research, questions that are especially important given recent scientific discoveries.

Biological science? Biology works better.

"I want to learn how such complex phenomena as free will and thought are created through the reactions of simple substances and chemicals"

Good luck with that. Free will expressly contradicts governance by an empirical process. In place of it you might substitute "attraction", "pleasure" and other processes that Biology may play a part in.

"...come close to understanding not only their world, but the vast truths and intricate laws of the entire universe."

Define how "their world" is different from the "entire universe" (unless you're going to take my advice which follows >>>). Also, consider dropping the "vast truths and intricate laws of the entire universe." portion because its relationship to Biology, on face, isn't there. If physics was your area of interest, you'd have a tenable argument.

Your essay, amended to include a more suitable opening and replace generic with specific (especially the line or two on the anatomy book, which Sean aptly noted) is otherwise solid for the purpose you cited.

Once you've fixed the aforesaid problems, feel free to submit for a check on the actual prose, including grammar and diction.

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"Being a creationist and being a serious academic in any field related to biology is an oxymoron."

In keeping with the good conventions of interaction and collaboration, I would also advise Sean to reconsider the good faith in that statement on two fronts. Cristian didn't indicate in any part that he wants to be a serious academic.

"...yearning for a profession in the field" and "...to pursue an occupation in a field for which I have so much passion" both inform a high likelihood that our author is considering a non research/academic position, though I'll concede that neither of the two exclude the possibility [academic].

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, an oxymoron is "a figure of speech or expressed idea in which apparently contradictory terms appear in conjunction (e.g. bittersweet)."

The statement in question references no two consecutive or joined terms which contradict each other. Sean's idea is not lost but the terminology he used is unsupported. In this case, I think it's due to the time intensive nature of finding an appropriate way to impress the degree of incompatibility, and the volume of threads that beckon to be reviewed.

I was using "a serious academic in any field related to biology" as one term, and "creationist" as the other. The two are utterly contradictory. You may disagree with me on that, but I guarantee you that the admissions officers won't, and they are the author's target audience.

"...the degree of incompatibility"

No, I agree mostly.