Hi everyone,
This is my 5th draft of my personal statement for the common application. I would love some feedback of yours.
In the whirling dust kicked up by the passing lorry, I caught sight of my friend, Abbas, a grin spreading over his face, telling me that he got it.
"Got it!?", I asked.
"Yeah!", he shouted. We couldn't contain our joy, laughing and throwing punches into the air. Side by side, we walked to the lake where children were swimming. We put some biscuits under their clothes and went to hide behind a rock. Suddenly, I felt Abbas's hand holding a biscuit over my shoulder. I took it and tasted the sweet favor of the biscuit while wondering how would it taste to those children and would they be expecting any more of those?
We had to wait one more month for the next UNICEF lorry, which carried biscuits to help children, to pass by our school. Everyone could recognize those big blue lorries roaring through the sky. It was Abbas again, who beckoned me to jump out the window. I slipped off my shoes, tiptoed to the window, and jumped out, waiting for Abbas and other comrades outside.
Hidden behind a massive boulder, we patiently took our time, careful not to be seen by the driver. One lorry passed. Then another. And finally, the third. I signaled everyone to sprint after it, taking the lead myself. The rule was simple: we get the biscuits and divide them equally among us.
I felt the bar at the back of the lorry, pulled myself up, took out a shard made from a broken mirror, and tore the blue cover open. Then I entered the lorry. I had to be as quick as possible and throw off as many cans as possible before the driver figure out what we are doing.
"One, two, three..." I counted, heart racing.
The lorry screeched to a halt. I leaped as far as I could, taking one more can for good measure.
On the ground, I ran back to school, covering my face with my white shawl, hoping to sneak back in through the classroom's window. But there was a teacher. The next moment a hand was pulling me towards the principal's office while I was fighting back with all my might.
"You stole biscuits! And you are suspended for 30 days!", my brother was surprised when I relate him the whole story and asked his help to prepare me for mid-term exams because I couldn't go to school till then.
"Look little Robin Hood, it's true that UNICEF aids aren't distributed fairly, but it doesn't mean you should steal other children's biscuits. Those biscuits meant to be for other schools.", he said. As I stood there, facing the consequences of my actions, I couldn't escape the weight of guilt. My brother's words were echoing in my mind, urging me to reflect on the true nature of my intentions. It was a pivotal moment of realization-I had thought I was helping others, but in truth, my actions were misguided.
The next day, I put some apples under the swimming children's clothes to share my little joys with others. Watching them from behind the same rock, surprisingly, I noticed them eating the fruits more eagerly than the biscuits. I see that same thirst today as people look surprised when they find books wrapped by colorful papers in front of their homes each month.
The magic happened when I found a little note in front of one of those houses, it was saying thank you. Besides the note, there were some biscuits. And I didn't regret or feel guilty for taking those biscuits. Actually, I felt proud.
Slowly, those biscuits turned into books. I knew it meant that they also want to help. That inspired a formation whereby the journey of books in houses became a way to spread joy. Today, that formation is called Budha Library where everyone can enjoy reading for free.
Thanks everyone for taking the time to read and comment!
Mustafa
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 I am not sure which prompt you are trying to respond to with this essay so I cannot review this based on content applicability. I can only give you a general review of the paper. I hope it can help you.
The narration of events shows that the activity you participated in was not only a life lesson for you, it was also a character building on. It is something that shows how you could perform as a student in the community. It shows that you have empathy for those around you. This is a well developed, character driven piece of writing that you should be proud to submit to any school that you are interested in attending.
