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UC prompt #2 The bitter yet sweet taste of Prednisone



Vietnamezeducky 1 / 4  
Nov 25, 2009   #1
Can someone read my prompt and give me an opinion about it? I will take in any suggestion, I think I can improve this a bit more. Thanks and happy Thanksgiving!

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

In 2003, I was diagnosed with leukemia. It took awhile for me to cope with my illness, but eventually I came to accept it. However, I could never cope with the drugs I had to take. I hated the drug, Prednisone, with a passion. This drug was taken orally, and I could never stand the taste. The chalky, bitter taste would linger in my mouth for a while. After the first month, my chemotherapy dosage increased. I had to take in more Prednisone along with other drugs. I hated Prednisone so much that I stopped taking it. This action caused quite a lot of conflict; however, the result taught me a valuable lesson.

When it was time for a checkup, my oncology nurse, Onica, saw the bottle of Prednisone was still filled up. She asked why I was not taking it. For the brief moment, I could not answer. I knew telling her the taste was going to be a silly explanation. Eventually, I did. Onica suggested that I take the drugs with chocolate pudding. Onica then told my mother about the situation. My mother did not know about this, not that she was not a caring mother.

When we got home, my mother and I had an argument. My temper just went out of control and I said the most stupid thing ever to upset her. I told her, "Why bother taking it? I'm going to die anyways." She burst in tears and left my room. When my brother-in-law heard the commotion, he came in and asked why my mother was crying. He lectured me for a few minutes about how my mother really loves me and that I should stop acting the way I did. He asked if I could tell her I was sorry, and that I should give her a hug to show my appreciation. I knew my pride and stubbornness was going to hold me back. I thought to myself, "There's no way I can do that." He left the room when he called my mother in. But I knew he was watching in the background. I knew I had to swallow my pride and stop being stubborn for once. I gave her a hug and said I was sorry. My mother said it was all right and that she understood what I was going through. Suddenly, I realized it was me who do not understand what I was going through. I was taking everything for granted.

The next day, I begin to put Prednisone into chocolate pudding. I swallowed the Prednisone, the bitter taste, yet noticed a sweet contrast of chocolate pudding. I realized that reality was like this experience. Life can be bitter or sweet at times, but no matter what you go through, you cannot take your experiences or the people in your life for granted. That is what I decided to do from then on.

twizzlestraw 12 / 81  
Nov 25, 2009   #2
Suddenly, I realized it was me who dodid not understand what I was going through.

I like you're beginning and your end. However, I don't think you do enough to connect them. This could be a very moving essay, but you need to put just as much detail into explaining your realization as you did taking the pills. How were you taking everything for granted?

I swallowed the Prednisone, the bitter taste, yet noticed a sweet contrast of chocolate pudding.
I don't get what you're saying here. We're you expecting the bitter taste, and then became pleasantly surprised. Or, was it bitter and sweet at the same time. Either way you should reword it.

How was life bitter and sweet for you? I can obviously infer, but it would be good to elaborate at this point in your essay.

Overall good job!

Would you mind looking over mine?
Thanks!
Psyche - / 3  
Nov 25, 2009   #3
Your last paragraph should be revised to make it sound less like a bad thing to take Prednisone.

It almost sounds as though you are addicted to it, as if it was a drug.
OP Vietnamezeducky 1 / 4  
Nov 25, 2009   #4
Thanks for the comment twizzlestraw and yes I would like to read your prompt =D. Here is my revision on the 3rd paragraph.

Suddenly, I realized it was me who did not understand what I was going through. There are others that did not make it through treatment, and here I am having a quarrel with the taste of Prednisone. I was taking my life for granted.

Does that elaborate what I was taking for granted?

Also for the conclusion

The next day, I begin to put Prednisone into chocolate pudding. I swallowed the Prednisone, the bitter taste, yet noticed a sweet contrast of chocolate pudding. I realized that reality was like this experience.

Can you go in more detail what you don't understand? What I'm trying to say in that paragraph is that the combination was balance out. There was the bitter taste and sweet taste. Because there were both taste presented, it made realize how life was very similar.
twizzlestraw 12 / 81  
Nov 25, 2009   #5
Yes that's much better!

Oh okay I just don't like the grammer, but it might be okay. I would try:

I swallowed the Prednisone and tasted the bitterness, yet I noticed a sweet contrast of chocolate pudding. I realized that reality was like this experience.

Also, what I meant was you don't really deal with how life was sweet for you. Maybe mention how blessed you were to be doing well on treatment here.
OP Vietnamezeducky 1 / 4  
Nov 26, 2009   #6
Thanks for the feedback. I need one last suggestion. For the last sentence on the 3rd paragraph ending with "I was taking my life for granted"

You think I should take that out since I'm stating that in my conclusion?

Here is the conclusion.

The next day, I begin to put Prednisone into chocolate pudding. I swallowed the Prednisone and tasted the bitterness, yet noticed a sweet contrast of chocolate pudding. I realized that reality was like this experience. Life can be bitter or sweet at times, but no matter what you go through, you cannot take your experiences or the people in your life for granted. From then on, I decided not to take anything for granted.
polytag - / 10  
Nov 26, 2009   #7
Yes, if I were you, I would take that out since it's in the conclusion.

I realized that reality was like this experience.

I realized that this was reality. Hmmm just a suggestion.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Nov 27, 2009   #8
Suddenly, I realized it was me who do not understand what I was going through.

Wow, you get the award for best sentence of the day. I have never written anything so clever, and I am pretty clever! But do this:

Suddenly, I realized it was I who did not understand what I was going through.

Everyone is great in this thread! Great suggestions.

I knew telling her that the taste was the problem was going to be a silly explanation. Eventually, I did.

My mother did not know about this, not that she was not a caring mother. This sentence is not necessary, just a distraction.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Nov 27, 2009   #9
One more:
...oncology nurse, Onica, saw that the bottle...
OP Vietnamezeducky 1 / 4  
Dec 1, 2009   #10
Wish you had given the advice sooner, already submitted my prompts. But thank you all for your suggestions.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Dec 3, 2009   #11
Sorry I was late! It has been busy. I hope you have all kinds of success.


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