'we are blinded from the future' - UC Personal Statement

Growing up we are blinded from the future, no indication of what will become, and a lot of the time what our world will become. We have to put trust in our faith, be ready to take on everything and anything. Moving every year of my life since I was born had been my experience. As a little girl I sat thinking, "Wow...This is how the world works?" Very scary and then something happens, you grow up and the world seems to branch out and become rich. I come from a very large family. Through all our hardship, never have I been encouraged to not grow. Actually, constantly I was encouraged to make something of my life. We have never had the money to have everything we wanted or needed. Money seemed to put everyone on edge. I saw this. This made me want better for my life, drove me to work harder in school and probably stress more than I should of. I survived because I had realized that money was not my world, nor should I let it shape it. Being unhappy when I couldn't afford to get the toy I wanted wasn't going to make things better. You realize that your world grows on LOVE. My world is filled with people that love me. My family and my friends are the people that I find peace in.

Family means well but they can't be your whole world, the part of my world besides home that has helped me grow has been my home away from home room S-84. This is the Drama room at Chatsworth High. When the world seems to crumble I know there I will find the strength to keep it together. The teacher Walt McDowell always lends advice on life that makes things that seem harsh, not so harsh. I have come to learn that everything has a solution, when you stop stressing so much on how to solve it. I used to be shy. I was then blessed by being encouraged to break my shell. I used to be afraid to think of the future because I couldn't see myself doing what I dreamed, to be honest it' still hard. When you are a child you want to grow up to be the princess who marries the prince. Simple right? Then you grow up and it's harder to have such an imagination. One of the things I despise about aging. With joining drama and the help of my loving family and friends it didn't take long for me to manifest dreams. Dreams that I knew I could work for and make reality. Thanks to my Family's encouragement I could be the Child Psychologist I want to be. Thanks to my friends I could be a famous actress. I could be a play write or director. I could be anything! All a world needs is what mine is full of, LOVE and ENCOURAGEMENT. Here's one last thought, my world would definitely not be the same without a little fun and craziness here and there and I am so thankful that I have that.

A few grammar suggestions:

Growing up we are blinded from the future, no indication of what will become, and a lot of the time what our world will become. Maybe choose a different statement to lead-in to your paper. Or you could say: "As children, we are unaware of the future, with no indication of what will become, and we have all the time in the world."

We have to put trust in our faith This doesn't make sense. "We have to have faith in life..."

Through all our hardship, never have I been encouraged to not grow. "Through all of our hardship, I have always been encouraged to grow."

This made me want better for my life, drove me to work harder in school and probably stress more than I should of. Re-word this sentence.

It is bad grammar to end a sentence in words like of, out, up, through, etc. My family and my friends are the people that I find peace in.

I find peace in my family and friends.

You have a wonderful story, and make many good points, you just need to work on your grammar. Nice work!

Thank you so much..you helped alot!!