Hi ok this is my common app essay except that its WAY over word limit and I'm not sure if I approached the question right :S.. would appreciate the constructive criticism thank you!! :)
Prompt : Common App Essay Prompt #5 (A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.)
I was born into the arms of Delhi - the capital of India, my home country. However, before India had time to even begin grasping my upbringing, I was whirled to Hong Kong learning British english at a Chinese kindergarten, reading American books that my Australian teacher at my British school introduced me to, eating Chinese food that my Indian parents exposed me to, experiencing Hong Kong culture amidst my multicultural friends who, at age six, did not know the difference between an Indian and an American. Hong Kong nurtured my childhood until i was taken back to my home country India, which despite being a part of my blood, felt more foreign than home. After living in the serene neighborhoods of Bangalore where my international school still gave me a sense of familiarity, we once again moved to Delhi and I was amongst what I would call my first truly Indian setting. Before Indian culture could lace it's nuances into my character I moved to Moscow, Russia, and at my most impressionable years, I participated enthusiastically in learning about the Russian culture and language. After Russia I was put into an international boarding school in Bangalore for academic stability however I would still visit my parents who continued to move to Singapore and currently to Tanzania.
Through all these years of traveling and learning what it takes to become an integrated part of different cultures, it was in Tanzania, during my summer of 2011 when I first read the topic of this essay question that I began evaluating the significance of diversity to me. When I was in Zanzibar, a semi-autonomous archipelago near Tanzania, diversity hit me the hardest. My family and I had gone snorkeling with a dive center who put us an a few other people on a boat. I still do not know whether it was after seeing the lonesome beauty of the ocean that induced my contemplative mood or whether the sensation of what I felt on that boat was destined to confront me. All I know is that I saw a family from France, a Catalonian diving instructor, a lady from Spain, a man from a place I could not quite place but who spoke fluent Spanish, French, English and Swahili, two men with Indian blood but one was Mauritian and the other was British and the tanzanian diving instructors all juxtaposed with my Gujarati family. Initially I did not draw a cultural distinction because i found myself relating to them. French is a language I have been learning for 7 years and during our school's foreign exchange I was well acquainted with their culture. It was only after I heard a few of them conversing in Spanish (a language that I am as comfortable with as I am with French) just as my grandmother had asked me a question in Gujarati that I realized how casually I had treated such a stark difference. I had never felt more Indian than I felt on that boat that day and at the same time, I had never felt so not Indian. It felt nice finding familiarity in listening to the different accents and watching their different mannerisms while being a part of it. I did not feel any different from them and yet I felt the most different. There is so much that they did not know about Indian culture, and I wondered, could they feel the same familiarity and relation to me as I could to them?
It struck me then that diversity was a norm for me, a privilege that I had taken for granted. I am Indian, strong with my roots and fond of my culture, but I am a different kind of Indian. Diversity to me, is something that does not strike me unless I let it. Having grown up around the world, whether I am talking to the Maasais of Africa or the street vendors of India, yes I represent India, but no I do not feel like that obstructs me from feeling accepted or accepting them.
Prompt : Common App Essay Prompt #5 (A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.)
I was born into the arms of Delhi - the capital of India, my home country. However, before India had time to even begin grasping my upbringing, I was whirled to Hong Kong learning British english at a Chinese kindergarten, reading American books that my Australian teacher at my British school introduced me to, eating Chinese food that my Indian parents exposed me to, experiencing Hong Kong culture amidst my multicultural friends who, at age six, did not know the difference between an Indian and an American. Hong Kong nurtured my childhood until i was taken back to my home country India, which despite being a part of my blood, felt more foreign than home. After living in the serene neighborhoods of Bangalore where my international school still gave me a sense of familiarity, we once again moved to Delhi and I was amongst what I would call my first truly Indian setting. Before Indian culture could lace it's nuances into my character I moved to Moscow, Russia, and at my most impressionable years, I participated enthusiastically in learning about the Russian culture and language. After Russia I was put into an international boarding school in Bangalore for academic stability however I would still visit my parents who continued to move to Singapore and currently to Tanzania.
Through all these years of traveling and learning what it takes to become an integrated part of different cultures, it was in Tanzania, during my summer of 2011 when I first read the topic of this essay question that I began evaluating the significance of diversity to me. When I was in Zanzibar, a semi-autonomous archipelago near Tanzania, diversity hit me the hardest. My family and I had gone snorkeling with a dive center who put us an a few other people on a boat. I still do not know whether it was after seeing the lonesome beauty of the ocean that induced my contemplative mood or whether the sensation of what I felt on that boat was destined to confront me. All I know is that I saw a family from France, a Catalonian diving instructor, a lady from Spain, a man from a place I could not quite place but who spoke fluent Spanish, French, English and Swahili, two men with Indian blood but one was Mauritian and the other was British and the tanzanian diving instructors all juxtaposed with my Gujarati family. Initially I did not draw a cultural distinction because i found myself relating to them. French is a language I have been learning for 7 years and during our school's foreign exchange I was well acquainted with their culture. It was only after I heard a few of them conversing in Spanish (a language that I am as comfortable with as I am with French) just as my grandmother had asked me a question in Gujarati that I realized how casually I had treated such a stark difference. I had never felt more Indian than I felt on that boat that day and at the same time, I had never felt so not Indian. It felt nice finding familiarity in listening to the different accents and watching their different mannerisms while being a part of it. I did not feel any different from them and yet I felt the most different. There is so much that they did not know about Indian culture, and I wondered, could they feel the same familiarity and relation to me as I could to them?
It struck me then that diversity was a norm for me, a privilege that I had taken for granted. I am Indian, strong with my roots and fond of my culture, but I am a different kind of Indian. Diversity to me, is something that does not strike me unless I let it. Having grown up around the world, whether I am talking to the Maasais of Africa or the street vendors of India, yes I represent India, but no I do not feel like that obstructs me from feeling accepted or accepting them.
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