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Bob Dylan and Dental Hygiene: BROWN supplement


bananaphone 3 / 6  
Dec 31, 2010   #1
Ahhh everyone is probably celebrating new years but just in case you are not everyone: PLEASE HELP! Thanks!

PROMPT: French novelist Anatole France wrote: "An education isn't how much you have committed to memory, or even how much you know. It's being able to differentiate between what you do know and what you don't." What don't you know?

A distinctively raspy voice croons from the loudspeakers: "Early one morning the sun was shining/ I was laying in bed." The assistant gently swabs my gums with numbing gel. "Wond'ring if she'd changed at all/ If her hair was still red." I bite down on something large and soft that keeps my mouth open. The dentist asks me a question and I nod back. I hear the whirring of a drill. "Heading out for the East Coast/ Lord knows I've paid some dues getting through." The whirring sound is coming from inside my mouth now as the drill fixates on my bottom right molar. "Tangled up in blueee." Saliva and enamel spews everywhere as the dentist furiously drills through the cavity. A tube is forced into my mouth and makes a wet noise as it sucks away the debris.

I will never forget the day I had my cavity unceremoniously filled to the poetic lyrics of Bob Dylan. Had I taken better care of my teeth I would never have had to commit such musical heresy. Yet had I not brushed my teeth religiously? I asked my dentist what I had done wrong, but truthfully I already knew the answer. How could I not after years of dental hygiene indoctrination during elementary school? Yes, I knew I should have consistently brushed the backside of my teeth. I knew I should have rinsed with mouth wash and flossed extensively. I knew that not doing these things would result in cavities. What I did not know, however, was that I was completely responsible for what I knew. I took my knowledge about dental hygiene for granted and brushed my teeth carelessly. It was only after I felt the consequences of my omissions that I realized that I was the only one who could have prevented my teeth from rotting.

Just like teeth, knowledge decays when it is not properly supervised. After teachers, parents, and peers bestow their knowledge unto us, it is our responsibility to use our newfound knowledge to its fullest extent. I believe that being indifferent to what we know is worse than not knowing at all.

etaang 4 / 40  
Dec 31, 2010   #2
The connection between your dental anecdote and the "message" of your essay is very, very shaky; the second half of your second paragraph, where you try to draw similarities between knowledge and hygiene, is almost completely incoherent.
OP bananaphone 3 / 6  
Dec 31, 2010   #3
oh nooo what do you suggest I do?? I'm unsure of how to look at my essay objectively...
etaang 4 / 40  
Jan 1, 2011   #4
I mean, I really liked where the essay was going prior to the shift. The imagery and stylistic choices were awesome (I'm a Dylan fan myself). It's just when you tried to make too much out of that one anecdote, your essay loses its sincerity and pathos.

And I'm not sure if this topic is that well-tailored to the prompt at hand. You're being asked to reveal something that you don't know, but you spend a lot of time talking about the things that you do know. This would be fine if it were all in an attempt to convey some greater meaning, but it sounds as if the part of your work that actually addresses the prompt (What you didn't know) is as uninteresting as you know understanding what cavities are.

Again, what I'm trying to say is that while I agree that every single experience in your life can in some way be shaped into a college essay, it's easy to tell when things have been exaggerated.


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