English is my weakest subject and I know this has many grammar errors so I am hoping I would get nice insightful tips from you guys to help fix my mistakes! much appreciated and hopefully this essay isn't a complete disaster. Enjoy!
Prompt: Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
"Boom!", I heard the official fire the gun to mark the start of the race. I sat with intensity, leaning forward, eyes wide-open seeing that my brother is participating in the race. He was slow at first so I thought "this is my first time seeing him race and he's going to lose", then suddenly I saw him running past the runners as if they were turtles and he was a cheetah; towards the finish line, coming in first place, I was dazzle in amazement. I was only in 8th grade at the time and all I did was play video games. So I thought I can never be good as my brother and I never even bother to think of competing in track. When my brother went off to college, he and my cousin, who was also a track star, encouraged me to participated in track so I gave it a try.
I joined track on my sophomore year of high school, with hopes of being as extraordinary as my brother. After four practices, today was going to be the last practice before the weekend. My coach said " Alright four 100 meters back and forth with a short break, then repeat three times." I thought, "okay four 100 meters back and forth this isn't going to be hard." Then the worse thing happen to me. On my fourth 100 meters back, I trip and fell then I quickly got back up and exhaustingly ran the rest of the 100 meters in extreme agony. After practice I got changed and as I took a step down the ramp my left foot tilt 90 degrees to the left. I cried in extreme agony as I slowly and painfully sat down wondering if I can adjust my foot back to normal. Then when I managed to sit down all the pain in my leg exploded, it felt like the whole world was sitting on my leg. Eventually the cramp went away and when I stood up, I couldn't walk normally. I went to my doctor and she said "you won't be able to continue doing track until your leg heals up." At this time, I thought to myself "I am a failure, my brother who was in varsity track when he was a freshman in high school, has a lousy brother that has to quit track after a week of practice due to an injury."
Eventually my leg healed up and I refuse to carry on, thinking that if I sign up for track again I would only hurt myself. But then the falls semester is about to start and I thought to myself "the motivation to succeed came from myself, and I could not be satisfied as long as I knew that I could have done a better job with more effort." To prepare for winter track I started to jog for an hour a couple times per week then I started to sprint daily for one hour. Being able to influence my own ability to succeed empowered me. Now, I line up nervously on the start line, feeling all the pressure as I see other competitors who looks more preeminent than I am; line up next to me. And now I hear the same exact sound as I did two years ago "Boom."
Prompt: Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
"Boom!", I heard the official fire the gun to mark the start of the race. I sat with intensity, leaning forward, eyes wide-open seeing that my brother is participating in the race. He was slow at first so I thought "this is my first time seeing him race and he's going to lose", then suddenly I saw him running past the runners as if they were turtles and he was a cheetah; towards the finish line, coming in first place, I was dazzle in amazement. I was only in 8th grade at the time and all I did was play video games. So I thought I can never be good as my brother and I never even bother to think of competing in track. When my brother went off to college, he and my cousin, who was also a track star, encouraged me to participated in track so I gave it a try.
I joined track on my sophomore year of high school, with hopes of being as extraordinary as my brother. After four practices, today was going to be the last practice before the weekend. My coach said " Alright four 100 meters back and forth with a short break, then repeat three times." I thought, "okay four 100 meters back and forth this isn't going to be hard." Then the worse thing happen to me. On my fourth 100 meters back, I trip and fell then I quickly got back up and exhaustingly ran the rest of the 100 meters in extreme agony. After practice I got changed and as I took a step down the ramp my left foot tilt 90 degrees to the left. I cried in extreme agony as I slowly and painfully sat down wondering if I can adjust my foot back to normal. Then when I managed to sit down all the pain in my leg exploded, it felt like the whole world was sitting on my leg. Eventually the cramp went away and when I stood up, I couldn't walk normally. I went to my doctor and she said "you won't be able to continue doing track until your leg heals up." At this time, I thought to myself "I am a failure, my brother who was in varsity track when he was a freshman in high school, has a lousy brother that has to quit track after a week of practice due to an injury."
Eventually my leg healed up and I refuse to carry on, thinking that if I sign up for track again I would only hurt myself. But then the falls semester is about to start and I thought to myself "the motivation to succeed came from myself, and I could not be satisfied as long as I knew that I could have done a better job with more effort." To prepare for winter track I started to jog for an hour a couple times per week then I started to sprint daily for one hour. Being able to influence my own ability to succeed empowered me. Now, I line up nervously on the start line, feeling all the pressure as I see other competitors who looks more preeminent than I am; line up next to me. And now I hear the same exact sound as I did two years ago "Boom."