Please pay attention to..
1. Tone.
2. Word choice.
These are what I'm most concerned about. Thank you!
"Utah is boring. Nothing happens in Utah. I need to move out of state." My involvement in the community was almost nonexistent throughout my entire life. Whenever I expressed these feelings to my peers, they always told me I was crazy to think Utah had nothing to offer. It was not until high school that I joined extra-curricular activities and realized just how many opportunities were out there. However, I only saw what was within my school and not much in my local community. I joined the South Jordan Youth Council to help give me an active role in my community. Through my involvement in planning and organizing festivals and fairs, the youth council opened up a whole new world of possibilities that I had never even considered before. At one of the races I volunteered at, my station was at the top of a steep hill. Running up and down this slippery hill at five in the morning on a rainy morning was anything but enjoyable. However, I still look back at that day as one of my favorite memories because of the enthusiasm my fellow volunteers gave despite the conditions. I learned that Utah has just as much to offer as any other state. It does not necessarily matter the amount of opportunities that exist, what matters is taking advantage of the opportunities that do exist.
1. Tone.
2. Word choice.
These are what I'm most concerned about. Thank you!
"Utah is boring. Nothing happens in Utah. I need to move out of state." My involvement in the community was almost nonexistent throughout my entire life. Whenever I expressed these feelings to my peers, they always told me I was crazy to think Utah had nothing to offer. It was not until high school that I joined extra-curricular activities and realized just how many opportunities were out there. However, I only saw what was within my school and not much in my local community. I joined the South Jordan Youth Council to help give me an active role in my community. Through my involvement in planning and organizing festivals and fairs, the youth council opened up a whole new world of possibilities that I had never even considered before. At one of the races I volunteered at, my station was at the top of a steep hill. Running up and down this slippery hill at five in the morning on a rainy morning was anything but enjoyable. However, I still look back at that day as one of my favorite memories because of the enthusiasm my fellow volunteers gave despite the conditions. I learned that Utah has just as much to offer as any other state. It does not necessarily matter the amount of opportunities that exist, what matters is taking advantage of the opportunities that do exist.
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