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Boston University is the Perfect Utopia

yjung17 8 / 20 2  
Nov 15, 2016   #1
Please help me add and fix parts of my essay. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

Ever since I can remember I imagined myself studying on the hills of a college campus seen in one of those typical movies. However, my views shifted when I saw my sisters attending college in New York City. My languid and rather introverted sister had been transformed by the "city life." She became quick-witted and fast paced. It was then that I realized that college in the city would not be so terrible after all. In Sir Thomas More's words, Boston University would be the perfect "utopia" for me because I would get the college campus life but also have the resources and city experience the moment I step off campus.

I believe that Boston University is a place where I can explore beyond a single major for my career. Offering over 250+ different classes along with the opportunity to create an independent major or minor, Boston University holds importance in making education individualized and customized for each and every student. Thus, I plan to double major in biology and psychology.

A huge aspect that has driven me to apply to Boston University is the friendly atmosphere. The University exudes an environment of friendly competition where strangers with different backgrounds turn into lifelong friends who support and encourage each other to succeed even when pursuing different passions. Those are the people I want to surround myself with for the next four years. No matter what background, Boston University holds a place for everyone. Hopefully, it will also hold a place for me.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,686 4759  
Nov 15, 2016   #2
Yoosol, next time you post your essay here for your common app essay, kindly include the prompt that you are responding to so that we can check it for prompt adherence and relevance. Right now, I think you are trying to explain why Boston University is a perfect fit for you right? If that is the case, then your response is not really that effective. I'll give you some advice based upon the prompt I believe you are trying to respond to. My advice can change if you post the prompt and it turns out that you are trying to something other than the question I thought you were posed with.

One thing you have to consider when writing this essay is the point of view of the reviewer. That means that you should think like him and try to answer the possible expectations he may have regarding your essay response. In this case, you responded in a very generic way to the question posed. You have to be specific about the information that you are presenting.

Concentrate more on explaining the academic side of your desire to attend the university. Try to connect more of your academic interests with the courses offered at the university. You can't just rattle off that there are 250 classes offered, you need to specifically mention the class, why it is of extreme interest to you and how it relates to your early academic interests. We know what your major is, so why do you think Boston University offers you the academic learning environment you crave? What courses do you wish to take? Professors you wish to be taught by? Specifics that will tell the reviewer that you know the university's academic demands and that you are confident that you can meet the student academic requirements.

The final paragraph about the student community works in the overall concept of your response. I would most likely keep that part even after I learn what the actual prompt you are responding to is. Basically, the essay is good, but can be better. That is what we will work on delivering after you let us know what your prompt requirement is.
OP yjung17 8 / 20 2  
Nov 15, 2016   #3
The following is the prompt:
In no more than 250 words, please tell us why BU is a good fit for you and what specifically has led you to apply for admission
admission2012 - / 477 90  
Nov 15, 2016   #4
How do you know about the atmosphere at BU? Have you visited campus before? If so, you need to mention this. Also, you should address what you plan on studying(if you know) and how and why BU's program stands out to you more than other schools. - selective admissions
Arlen 20 / 40 3  
Nov 16, 2016   #5
I can't really catch the point you mentioned how your sister impacted you on pursuing the campus.I think it will be better if there are others persuasive reasons for joining BU.

hope it can help.
alfinkurnia 33 / 47  
Nov 17, 2016   #6
Hello I will give you my correction, feel free to corection me too.

Ever since I remember when imagine myself studying on the hills at college seen in one of those typical movies. However, In my view , shifted when I saw my sisters attending at college in New York City.

Thus,I plan to study in major biology and psychology.

... huge aspect that bring me to apply to ...

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