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Boston University Essay - Roommate Essay


seaweedsong 1 / 4  
Dec 28, 2011   #1
It is three weeks before the start of your freshman year at BU, and you are talking to your new roommate for the first time. Since you are trying to get to know each other, what are a few things you would want to share about who you are?

When I meet someone new, I want them to know how I work and how I am. I love pop culture. Any chance I get to reference something from Clueless, one of my 90's movie, I will. I am also hopelessly enamored with the Kennedy family. When I go to college, I fully intend on bringing my book and DVD collection- I give you permission to laugh at me while I sit down on a bad day and watch documentaries. Along with the Kennedy's, I am also really fond of HBO's television series such as John Adams. I can admit that I watched a couple of episodes as a fun (and productive) way to study for my AP Exam.

____

I'm worried about the tone- is it too personal? And grammar help is also needed! Thanks so much! I'll look at yours if you look at mine.
cupnoodle123 15 / 52  
Dec 28, 2011   #2
When I meet someone new, I want them to know how I work and how I am. I love pop culture. Any chance I get to reference something from Clueless, one of my 90's movie, I will. I am also hopelessly enamored with the Kennedy family. When I go to college, I fully intend on bringing my book and DVD collection- I give you permission to laugh at me while I sit down on a bad day and watch documentaries. Along with the Kennedy's, I am also really fond of HBO's television series such as John Adams. I can admit that I watched a couple of episodes as a fun (and productive) way to study for my AP Exam.

Apart from those pastimes, I enjoy painting a lot. I haven't decided if I will be bringing acrylic or oil paints because they have a slight odor to them. I'll most definitely bring my sketchbook but I can assure you, it will be awhile till I let you look at it. I don't let anyone look at my sketchbook.Maybe state this a bit more positively...right now it's just a direct sentence that says "back off" ...But no this is fine to say, just be friendly to your roommate:)

I've talked about what I like to do because I feel like it really shows the type of person I am.Unecessary) Unfortunately, my personality is too 4Dyou could elaborate on what this means...connect it with things you say in this paragraph ..otherwise, I dk really what 4d personality is...my friends just go to 3d unfortunately... :) jkjk to be really understood through my pastimes. I am very easily amused and if we go watch a comedy, I'll be the loudest one laughingPerhaps say this with more art///more creatively...since lots of ppl are also like that too:) . You won't have to worry about being funny near me because I'll genuinely laugh at everything you say or doerr...even if they're not funny...are you laughing with me or at me now... . When we argue about serious issues, I will stay quite if I don't know something but later, I will pounce on you with new questions and arguments. I like arguing. To me, arguing is a way of getting to know someone. I would rather us argue sometimes than us agree all the time. My work ethic is fairly simple; I prefer doing my work on a schedule. When I get off track, I want people to tell me. I do the same to my friends and it becomes a mutualistic relationship.Much of this makes sense...but it's pretty generic stuff, true about most of us...I'd talk more about aspects/interests about yourself that can't be seen anywhere else in you essay (sounding like a familiar prompt now?) and then tie those interests to show how they make you a good friend/well balanced roommate/not too contentious etc

My background is probably something you would be interested inumm..too "answer the question in a complete sentence" sort of thesis , considering I don't have a typical name or a typical accenOkay, NOW this sentence was pretty cool t. You will probably be confused when I tell you I live in North Carolinaand as your roommate Ibring in two years of expereince around soul food, winter snow and celebration, horses and nature (sorry...idk what;s in NC...) <----say things in your true voice, sorta like this, which is my truer voice...introduce your pts creatively. I am not actually from North Carolina, though, I have just lived here for the past two years. I am quite culturedwe are all cutlured somehow , having lived in 3 different culturesYou could incorporate these 3 cultures in pretty creatively :) . I can speak Swedish and Malaysianand though you probably aren't among the 1% in the world who speaks this , You can prepare to learn from one of the best, most patient teachers. <-- say it more creatively, per se . I am sure only 1% of the world speaks these languages but if you can speak them, I'll be happy to have some fun conversations with you in public so no one else understands us. It'll be like a secret code.um the secret code part is kinda just randomly ending the paragarph...and doesn't show much abou tyou...except..err..one must use the imagination..

I love meeting new peopleMost ppl do... , especially someone who I know I am going to have a close bond withthat too... . My first roommate experience occurred this summer when I went to a college program for 5 weeks. It was only for 5 weeks but I connected with my roommate so well that we still stay in touch and we iMessage almost everyday. I can't imagine being a roommate for a whole school year.

I can tell from a few sentences here and there, that you must have a super cultural background...take stuff from there! Make it personal through those things! Not just generic stuff about friendship ...

Sorry, don't mean to be harsh or anything...I feel you have better ideas, use them! :D
OP seaweedsong 1 / 4  
Dec 28, 2011   #3
No, you weren't harsh! Thanks so much for the feedback- I will be taking to account all of your comments. Thanks again
singh955 7 / 36  
Dec 28, 2011   #4
Your essay is pretty well written. About the personal tone, I think the admission counselors like that for change because they actually see the real you.
OP seaweedsong 1 / 4  
Dec 28, 2011   #5
Thank you so much for your input! I am off to look at your essay!
ZhoeK 5 / 173  
Dec 28, 2011   #6
A. Shamira

I agree with Manpreet about the personal tone.
I liked your ending in particular, nice touch by adding the roommate & still keeping in touch.

The first paragraph was lovely, the hints of humour was refreshing.
The odor part in the second paragraph was unnecessary and not very helpful in any way.
Suggestion: I haven't decided if I will be bringing acrylic or oil paints, but I'll most definitely bring my sketchbook.
I agree, you certainly need to elaborate on your 4D personality. off-topic: I'm the same with the laugh-at-everything.

When we argue about serious issues, I will stay quite if I don't know something but later, I will pounce on you with new questions and arguments. I like arguing. To me, arguing is a way of getting to know someone. I would rather us argue sometimes than us agree all the time.

Be careful about how you state this, pouncing on could give a sort of antagonistic perception and you dont want the AOs to think that either.

I like the secret code part., but maybe you shouldn't start off with my background isn't interesting, that could also give the AOs the wrong impression.

Hope this helps! If you wouldn't mind could you take a look at my revised common app. essay. Thanks!


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