Hello this is my Boston University Supplement essay, deadlines in a day and I need my essay revised. I don't have a conclusion paragraph yet, I'll be writing that soon I just need what I have now revised. I wrote this quickly so my apologies for all the grammatical errors. Correct as needed. Thank you!
Topic: In an essay of no more than 500 words, please select three words that describe you best and tell us how you will use these qualities/characteristics to contribute fully to the BU community.
From a young age I chose to live my life by being boundless, altruistic, and persistent.
Boundless, each day gives us the option to waste our times drawing lines or to live our lives crossing them. I live mine by the latter. I try not to limit myself to any one thing or set limits to anything I do. For example, I love to try new subjects in school and this year I took an AP math course. Math has always been the subject i struggle the most with but i decided to go for the challenge of an advanced course anyways and i'm thankful I did AP Statistics is now my favorite math class out of the many I took and I actually enjoy and understand the problems I do.
Altruistic, simply stated I like to help causes and people. It's one of the main reasons I want to be a pediatrician. I'm really interested in programs like Make A Wish, Save Darfur, and WWF and while I can't exactly donate hundreds of dollars or go across country to help a cause I try my best to do what I can at home. For example, I've participated in projects such as Relay For Life and numerous beach cleanups through my school and engaged in programs that involve working with children outside of school. Some of the volunteering that was most important to me is the camp counseling I did over summer. My time counseling taught me a lot about leadership and responsibility and further added to the reasons of why I want to work with children as a career.
Persistent, a friend once told me that one of my greatest qualities was I always get what I want. Not in a negative or spoiled manner, but in means that when I establish a goal for myself whether it be academic, materialistic or social I strive towards it and meet it by any means necessary. When I was nine I had a huge ballet competition coming up that everyone in class was exited for but I got sick a week before the show and had to miss a generous amount of practices. When I got back to class it seemed like everyone was dancing some foreign routine that I've never seen. My instructor gave me the option of sitting out the big show but I was a good, dedicated dancer and I wasn't going to let a few missed classes hold me back. So in the few days I had left I asked a friend to teach me the moves and practiced every time I could, before I knew it I had the moves down and you couldn't even tell I missed a practice! In the end my perseverance paid off I got to dance in the performance with the rest of my class and we even won second place.
At BU my persistent nature will make my achievements boundless. While my altruistic attributes will help and encourage people along the way. My goal, is that with the help of these characteristics I will one day be placed among the ranks of the unparalleled and glorious Boston Terriers.
beautifully written. revise, revise, revise!!! also, work on transitions between paragraphs and a strong conclusion will defineatly make this essay one to remember. Good Luck!!!
I'm really interested in programs like Make A Wish, Save Darfur, and WWF, and while I canno t donate hundreds of dollars or go across country travel abroad at this time, to help a cause I try my best to do what I can at home.
Let's fix this incomplete sentence by connecting it to the previous sentence with a dash:
...was I always get what I want -- not in a negative or spoiled manner, but in the sense that when I establish a goal for myself whether it be academic, materialistic or social I strive towards it and meet it by any means necessary.
I shortened that awkward sentence and chopped a few of your words to help you get within that word limit.
One important point: it is not correct to start each paragraph with the word as you did. It is better to leave the word out of the beginning of each para, and find a way to use the word in the para instead.
:-)
