Please tell us why you are planning to leave (or have already left) your current college or university.
I am very happy with what Oakton community college has been able to provide for me during my two years at the college. My professors were very passionate about what they teach and very knowledgably. However, my college cannot provide the resources for me to further my educational goal of becoming an economist.
As an Economist, I would need to study the effect the economies of different countries around the world and to this need to a culturally diverse environment to succeed. My current college is deficient in this area, which is no fault of theirs since they accept almost all the students that apply. This deficiency was evident in my humanities class when we my professor asked if China's growth was a threat to the US? Most of my classmate had no response and those would have said yes based on what they watch on TV. However, they fail to connect the fact that a growth in china, and the world economy, would lead to an increase in the US export and reduction in our trade deficit, which would lead to more American jobs.
Oakton community college is a good school with great teacher, but having passion is only one part of the equation. However, university of Chicago has the complete equation: passion and an outstanding Academic and research community.
I am very happy with what Oakton community college has been able to provide for me during my two years at the college. My professors were very passionate about what they teach and very knowledgably le. However, my college cannot provide the resources for me to further my educational goal of becoming an economist.
you capitalize economist here and there. make it consistent.
you should also be more detailed in exactly what facilities would help you at UC.
kabal
This deficiency was evident in my humanities class when we my professor asked. when OUR professor...
my professor asked if China's growth was a threat to the US?. I'm not sure if it should be with a question mark there, check how it sounds to you without it and choose what you like more, try it with a colon if you wish to change it
Most of my classmate had no response and those would have said yes based on what they watch on TV. those who? check that part it does not make sense to say and those would have...
but having passion is only one part of the equation. However, university of Chicago has... that however does not make sense there, read it again just that part and you will notice why, what about "in fact" "but" something like that makes more sense
I think it's good, just the first sentence, is that your thesis? I don't know what exactly is what are you doing because is not an essay, I don't know if this whatever it is should have a thesis, if not it's all right but if yes, your thesis should be different because you state that you are very happy with the college but that is not the main idea of your thing.
Very best of luck, Jorge
Hey! Heres my advice below:
so I would take out "This deficiency was evident in my humanities class when we my professor asked if China's growth was a threat to the US? Most of my classmate had no response and those would have said yes based on what they watch on TV. However, they fail to connect the fact that a growth in china, and the world economy, would lead to an increase in the US export and reduction in our trade deficit, which would lead to more American jobs." becuase it sounds like you are making fun of your previous college. I would focus on why the school you are applying to meets your needs for economics and what you will do when you get there or what your aspirations are and how that college will help you get there better.
Everyones already given you enough advice however I think the conclusion could still use some work. Its good what you say about Chicago but you really put down your own college; thats something you probably don't want to tell to any college admission officers.
Anyhow good luck with the rest of your essays and if you get a chance please help with some of mine.
