Please have in mind that english is my second language, therefore my word choice is not that great :p. I would greatly appreciate it if you guys are strict on my essay, and be blunt about my mistakes. Thank you in advance.
Here's the prompt:
Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.
One person can have a lasting effect in your decisions and the way you perceive life. It is that one person who knows you best, that has the most influence on your life. This person can be very inspirational and even more if it is someone close to you or a relative. In my case, it is my brother who has prominently impacted my life. He has been there to support me in my many decisions, whether they were smart or foolish ones. It is due to my brother that I am the ambitious, responsible, and respectful person that I am today.
My brother has been a wonderful friend as well as sharing a resemblance of that of a parental figure. He enforces that rules that has been set upon us by our parents, making sure that I keep myself sane and respectful. I can go to him with whatever problem I encounter in life. He has taught me many lessons in my existence, all of which has molded and will continue to mold my life in its entirety. He has affected every aspect in my life; from the way I dress, to the way I perceive life. I consider it as a phenomenal thing because he has showed me the great things that can be accomplished in life, has taught me many great things, and has inspired to become successful in life.
My brother, Aldo, always has been an inspiration to me because he has set a great example for me to follow. He is always helping my parents with anything they need, and does many errands around the house. He occasionally helps out at church, showing me that giving back to the community is a good way to show that you want a better community to live in. Aldo has taught me all his life lessons that he has so far undergone and learned from. He learns from his own mistakes and makes sure I do not commit the same mistakes as him. He makes sure I do not veer in the wrong path, meaning he is always on my case in everything I do. My brother says he does this because he did not have anyone to motivate him when he was as young as me. He did not take the same road I am taking; he preferred to get out of high school and to begin to work. This is an aspect of his life in which he regrets doing. He tells me that not to follow in the same footsteps he took, because they are not all great.
Aldo takes many positions in my life, and impacts my life in that certain aspect. He can be considered as my basketball coach, teaching me everything that he has been taught, and always paying attention to my flaws in my basketball skills. He tries his best to make me a better basketball player, and makes me have a try-your-best attitude. Without him, I do not think I would have such a great passion for basketball, nevertheless for sports itself. He is always the first person I seek when I need help with any current problem I come across. I asked for his help when I had been asked by a student that if I wanted to smoke a cigarette. When I asked my brother if I should try smoking, he quickly replied "Bro, there is no need for that. It just messes up your body, and it messes up your image. And if you think that makes you look cool, you are a fool because it doesn't and it only makes you look like a buffoon." My brother told me that it is our human nature that we get curious of certain drugs, but fighting the urges of trying them is what differentiates from a normal human to one that is strong-willed and determined to seek a better life. I have always followed his advice because it has always seems to work out and ease my life. Aldo has made me have an optimistic way of thinking, he knows what is best for me; therefore I do not see him only as a brother, but also as a counselor.
I cherish my brother, greatly because he has taught me many things in life as well as lessons, all of which I have come to realize that I have used. He is guiding me to the right road, making sure I do not fall a victim to any bad intentions, making sure I always try my best in everything I partake in, and making sure I always strive for the better things in life. He is my motivator, counselor, coach, gym partner, role model, mentor, best friend, my big brother but mostly the biggest influence that has forever changed my life in a positive way!
I need a better conclusion but I don't know how to write one. Also I find this essay to be simple, don't you guys think so?
Here's the prompt:
Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.
One person can have a lasting effect in your decisions and the way you perceive life. It is that one person who knows you best, that has the most influence on your life. This person can be very inspirational and even more if it is someone close to you or a relative. In my case, it is my brother who has prominently impacted my life. He has been there to support me in my many decisions, whether they were smart or foolish ones. It is due to my brother that I am the ambitious, responsible, and respectful person that I am today.
My brother has been a wonderful friend as well as sharing a resemblance of that of a parental figure. He enforces that rules that has been set upon us by our parents, making sure that I keep myself sane and respectful. I can go to him with whatever problem I encounter in life. He has taught me many lessons in my existence, all of which has molded and will continue to mold my life in its entirety. He has affected every aspect in my life; from the way I dress, to the way I perceive life. I consider it as a phenomenal thing because he has showed me the great things that can be accomplished in life, has taught me many great things, and has inspired to become successful in life.
My brother, Aldo, always has been an inspiration to me because he has set a great example for me to follow. He is always helping my parents with anything they need, and does many errands around the house. He occasionally helps out at church, showing me that giving back to the community is a good way to show that you want a better community to live in. Aldo has taught me all his life lessons that he has so far undergone and learned from. He learns from his own mistakes and makes sure I do not commit the same mistakes as him. He makes sure I do not veer in the wrong path, meaning he is always on my case in everything I do. My brother says he does this because he did not have anyone to motivate him when he was as young as me. He did not take the same road I am taking; he preferred to get out of high school and to begin to work. This is an aspect of his life in which he regrets doing. He tells me that not to follow in the same footsteps he took, because they are not all great.
Aldo takes many positions in my life, and impacts my life in that certain aspect. He can be considered as my basketball coach, teaching me everything that he has been taught, and always paying attention to my flaws in my basketball skills. He tries his best to make me a better basketball player, and makes me have a try-your-best attitude. Without him, I do not think I would have such a great passion for basketball, nevertheless for sports itself. He is always the first person I seek when I need help with any current problem I come across. I asked for his help when I had been asked by a student that if I wanted to smoke a cigarette. When I asked my brother if I should try smoking, he quickly replied "Bro, there is no need for that. It just messes up your body, and it messes up your image. And if you think that makes you look cool, you are a fool because it doesn't and it only makes you look like a buffoon." My brother told me that it is our human nature that we get curious of certain drugs, but fighting the urges of trying them is what differentiates from a normal human to one that is strong-willed and determined to seek a better life. I have always followed his advice because it has always seems to work out and ease my life. Aldo has made me have an optimistic way of thinking, he knows what is best for me; therefore I do not see him only as a brother, but also as a counselor.
I cherish my brother, greatly because he has taught me many things in life as well as lessons, all of which I have come to realize that I have used. He is guiding me to the right road, making sure I do not fall a victim to any bad intentions, making sure I always try my best in everything I partake in, and making sure I always strive for the better things in life. He is my motivator, counselor, coach, gym partner, role model, mentor, best friend, my big brother but mostly the biggest influence that has forever changed my life in a positive way!
I need a better conclusion but I don't know how to write one. Also I find this essay to be simple, don't you guys think so?