Why are you drawn to the area(s) of study you indicated in our Member Section, earlier in this application? If you are "undecided" or not sure which Brown concentrations match your interests, consider describing more generally the academic topics or modes of thought that engage you currently. (150 word limit) CURRENTLY 150 WRDS~~
I am a big fan of SimCity, a game in which you can build a city with limited budget. On a project to rebuild my hometown of 1940 in the game, I rummaged the warehouse for an aged map, read city logs, asked my grandparents for help, and drew several not quite successful sketches. To better understand city planning, I self-studied central place theory. But, unfortunately, all data were lost in a blackout soon after the project took plunge.
From a rookie who simply added things haphazardly to a skilled player who valued the balance of efficiency and aesthetics, the SimCity, to me, was more than a game: it galvanizes me to survive high school, go to college, and one day build a city of my design. I have taken the first step by starting the city planning research project, and hopefully Brown will take me one step closer.
I like the way that you started your essay with a simple topic -- SimCity -- applied it to your passion and then connected it with your plans of study. However, you spend a good deal of time talking about SimCity when you could provide more tangible evidence of your abilities in discussing your "city planning research project." SimCity is a nice way to begin your essay, but you need to convince them that you are capable of doing more than dedicating your time to a game. Your research project you be a good way to show your abilities.
I also found a small typo:
all data were was lost in a blackout
