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6AM Bus Ride - common app essay option 4 ( time rush)



hoanhthu 1 / 5  
Dec 28, 2013   #1
Option #4: Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content. What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to you?

One more minute...Thirty more seconds...Stamping my feet on the solid pavement with hands buried deep in the sweater pocket, I managed to heat them up while anticipating a big vehicle looming in sight. There it was, appearing at the thirty five second, and then decelerating towards my stop. Its wheels screeched on the dewy road before the door finally opened to reveal Mrs. Driver smiling at me as I quickly hopped on, swiped the pass and greeted her with a good morning. The bus creakily shut behind my back and once again, dashed off into the mysterious dim-lit street .

6AM in the morning, dark clouds veiled the sky and cool breeze still roamed desperately outside, contrasting with the weather bliss inside the warm bus. It was early, only five people now sat in the bus, including me and Mrs.Driver. "Professor Trelawney" rest herself in the front row, holding a trolley filled with magazines and used bottles instead of tea cup and crystal globe. Pony-tailed "uncle Sam" dressed in blue, red and white attire, carrying dozens of miniature national flags, threw back his head in a deep sleep along the side bench. "Eminem" established his territory at the back, snugly fit in his high school jersey and snapback cap, feet beating to the rhythm from his Dr.Beat headphone. Greeting these frequents with a smile, I advanced to my favorite spot beside the window. The pelt-like covered seat sent me a little shiver as I plopped down; and few minutes later, rushing blood over my head. I savored this comfort and silence. No one said a thing but traced their own thought. It was this serene feeling of being left alone in an "un-lonely" space. Such a scene could only be found in the 6AM bus, when few people could share enough warmth without being shoved or pushed.

Leaning against the hazy glass , I watched the sky slowly turning from dark to light like magic. The trees, stores and cars which relied on artificial light a few minutes ago, now bathed under the first beam of the rising sun. I, under the applied force of the bus, submitted to this passiveness that keep me rest while I was actually in motion. Contemplating the world beside a window might be a cool thought, yet I often preferred to refrain myself from thinking at all. After this ride, I would whoosh back to my reality, to sing a series of French piece in the choir room, to converse with friends in three different language, Vietnamese, English and Chinese, to categorize the shoes for Connelly Cares shoe drive, and to stand in front of a huge audience for my clubs announcement. Activities occupied my time and my mind every night. I could be all vibrant and active outside, but while I was on the bus, I could retain this utmost privacy, to become no one expectation, to proceed no duty and to be judged only on myself. Sometimes, I wished the ride would continue on and on, toward freedom and unimaginable destinations. But another thing soon hit me : I would have no stop. Then what would drive me to continue taking this bus everyday?

"We are Approaching Lincoln-Brookhurst Avenue" the clear announcement suddenly snapped me out of the drowsy feeling. The 7-eleven logo blinked from afar, signaling an end to my short wish. Pulling up my backpack, I sluggishly stood up and waited near the door. It was 7AM and all the seats now got occupied. People were chatting and laughing, which liven up the early serene atmosphere. Each person has a certain stop, to walk away with some motivation or a purpose. And So did I. "Thank you very much", I shouted for Mrs. Driver and stepped out of the bus, gleefully and confidently, ready to learn and to face new challenges.

I know this is pretty late, but please check for any grammatical problems or wrong word choice I made. I would be gladly to receive any criticism to make my essay better. The deadline is next Tuesday so I'm pretty rush. Thank you very much guys :))

iloveyogurt 9 / 17  
Dec 29, 2013   #2
The pelt-like covered seat sent me a little shiver as I plopped down; and few minutes later, rushing blood over my head.

This is the only error that I found. After the semi-colon it should be a complete sentence structure.

The pelt-like covered seat sent me a little shiver as I plopped down;, and few minutes later, rushingrushed blood over my head.

Okay this is going to sound weird but this is yet my favorite common app essay. I love it. It's introspective, and it lets me in a PEAK of your life, which seems really exciting and really makes me want to know what type of person you are outside the solitary moment.

My opinion can be subjective because I love bus ride too, and out of personal experience I love that moment of loneliness combined with togetherness.

The transition between paragraphs DOES NOT seem awkward at all. I don't know if you have read Woolf's Mrs. Dalloway but your essay really reminded me of that extraordinary piece of literature and... yeah, feel free to take this a complement. It's this concept of psychological time vs. clock time. Time perception is a fascinating thing.... anyway. Just so you know, I love this essay; it would probably comfort you at this anxious moment.
OP hoanhthu 1 / 5  
Dec 29, 2013   #3
Thanks a lot for your help. I will critique your new essay as soon as possible:) good luck with your app too.


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